tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post2458432774180209934..comments2024-03-20T07:22:57.464-04:00Comments on Cupid's Literary Connection: Bouncer Post #113CUPIDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01726782711068858241noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-38727315729963016642013-02-07T10:26:52.095-05:002013-02-07T10:26:52.095-05:00Thanks so much for the advice! My 'new and imp...Thanks so much for the advice! My 'new and improved' 250 begins with the 3rd paragraph and lets us know why she's there and what's at stake. I also revised my query to portray a stronger Olivia that's more consistent with her character throughout the story. I appreciate both your encouraging words and your critique. It inspires me and, at the same time, helps me improve my writing. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-44546019357451149812013-02-06T22:33:50.927-05:002013-02-06T22:33:50.927-05:00From the genre and the opening paragraph, I though...From the genre and the opening paragraph, I thought this was going to be a cute contemporary romance - until you mention supernatural powers and genetic experiments and I was like, wait, what? I would take out all of the Career 101 stuff in your query and pages, and leave out that she's average too. We don't want to read about average characters, we want over-the-top, exciting, driven characters. I definitely think you have something interesting here, it just needs to be focused a bit better. And the same with your opening 250 - if you start with her spying on the guy, and then get into the reasons why after we're in the scene with your character, your opening will be much stronger. Good luck!Bouncer Chekhovhttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chekhov's_gunnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-23142837567334985142013-02-06T12:31:03.855-05:002013-02-06T12:31:03.855-05:00Thanks Rina! Awesome suggestions. I'll be work...Thanks Rina! Awesome suggestions. I'll be working on implementing them into my query today. :) Good luck to you, too! Can't wait to see yours in the upcoming round!<br />MichelleAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-47248040050890681072013-02-06T00:49:36.404-05:002013-02-06T00:49:36.404-05:00Like those above, I love the idea of a crazy docto...Like those above, I love the idea of a crazy doctor and genetic manipulation. Intriguing! Combine that with an ambitious writer and I think you've got the makings of a very rich story. <br /><br />Your above statement about Olivia's central conflict could make a great ending hook for your query, something like: After discovering Kade's abilities could be linked to the doctor himself, Olivia must choose between printing the story of a lifetime or keeping Kade's secret. <br /><br />Best of luck, this sounds awesome! Rinahttp://www.rinaheisel.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-72250432257625540302013-02-05T22:16:03.210-05:002013-02-05T22:16:03.210-05:00I really appreciate the comments! I agree that Out...I really appreciate the comments! I agree that Out Of the Shadows probably fits better as a paranormal romance. And I've already revised - the first two paragraphs no longer exist. It's much, much better. :)<br />Olivia's central conflict is her choice between distinction as a writer or keeping Kade's secret. I really need to do a better job of making that clearer. <br />Thanks again for your input. Michelle HeiselAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-7134053118278622992013-02-05T01:57:55.628-05:002013-02-05T01:57:55.628-05:00Love the idea of the genetic manipulation, but I&#...Love the idea of the genetic manipulation, but I'm not so in love with the idea that Kade has supernatural powers.... It kind of makes it not contemporary YA, but supernatural or paranormal. And I'm not sure I really understand what Olivia's central conflict is. Is it the writing career or Kade?<br /><br />In the 250, I think the opening paragraph is a little telling. Maybe rather than explaining Career 101, show us doing a seminar or survey, or getting the results back so we can see why she's so sure she has no future.Kate Larkindalehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06202347563426692610noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-34568277169642200452013-02-04T23:56:38.963-05:002013-02-04T23:56:38.963-05:00Sorry, that was supposed to say "big" dr...Sorry, that was supposed to say "big" drawing card. Oops!Erin L. Funkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00068394727011130144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-51509753242187014332013-02-04T21:17:47.708-05:002013-02-04T21:17:47.708-05:00Michelle Heisel #113:
Thank you so much for your ...Michelle Heisel #113:<br /><br />Thank you so much for your input! I think you may be right about the genre. It might work better as a YA Paranormal Romance. <br /><br />My first two paragraphs were meant to set up the direction of the story. However, it might be more effective to begin with paragraph three. <br /><br />Olivia's central conflict is the choice of friends or fame. I will try to clarify that in the query. <br /><br />Great suggestions and good luck to you, too! Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-51796046223919250372013-02-04T21:02:41.976-05:002013-02-04T21:02:41.976-05:00The part of your premise that grabbed me the most ...The part of your premise that grabbed me the most was the experimental genetic manipulations. Very intriguing! I think Laura's suggestion to reclassify your story's genre as paranormal (or even sci-fi, depending on how Kade got his powers) is a good one. I also wonder if you might want to be more specific about what Kade's supernatural powers are as this could be a bid drawing card for your story. Best of luck in the contest! :)<br />#124<br /><br />Erin L. Funkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00068394727011130144noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-62672852278364472162013-02-04T07:32:21.127-05:002013-02-04T07:32:21.127-05:00In your query, the experimental genetic manipulati...In your query, the experimental genetic manipulations sound intriging. I wonder if Kade's supernatural powers make your novel more YA paranormal than contemporary though?<br /><br />I'm not sure I understand the central conflict Olivia is facing. Maybe removing the first paragraph and jumping right into what happens when she starts watching Doc Tucker would help. I think it would be helpful if you could show what kind of decision she has to make - to print the article about Kade or not (for example) and what the consequences might be if she fails.<br /><br />I think the final sentence of the query gives too much of the end away, and I'd suggest you remove it.<br /><br />Like in the query, in your first 250, I think starting with Olivia spying might be better. You could sprinkle in the background of the Career Match 101 later in the chapter. I liked the last two paragraphs.<br /><br />Good luck!<br />#112Laura Rueckerthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12267281174937559086noreply@blogger.com