tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post2594206495626456068..comments2024-03-29T05:20:50.447-04:00Comments on Cupid's Literary Connection: Bouncer Post #15CUPIDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01726782711068858241noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-84327421154290887352013-01-18T12:37:47.042-05:002013-01-18T12:37:47.042-05:00I love your first 250 :) I'll be keeping an ey...I love your first 250 :) I'll be keeping an eye out for this in future competitions!Rebecca Barrowhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04007014501516438149noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-72641338781599402622013-01-15T16:02:51.890-05:002013-01-15T16:02:51.890-05:00Sounds great! I felt the query was a bit too much ...Sounds great! I felt the query was a bit too much going on as well, it can def be simplified and still keep the meat and need to know interesting, grabbing bits. Good luck! This sounds so good! Colene Murphyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06086195075690893194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-61406901852941189632013-01-15T00:46:55.890-05:002013-01-15T00:46:55.890-05:00I really like the sounds of this story! I found th...I really like the sounds of this story! I found the query intriguing, and the first 250 are really strong and well-written. I do kinda agree with Mr Spock about there seeming to be kinda two stories here, one in the forbidden romance and one in the suspicious Sylvia, but without having read the story I can only speculate on how important the former is to the latter. The query makes it seem like the nature of their romance isn't important at all to the later events. If it *is* important, perhaps clarify how within the query. If it's not, perhaps consider removing it and just making them friends-with-benefits or something; I think that if it's not important to the story it will just end up being a distraction. But either way, I think it sounds really interesting!<br />Best of luck with this! From entry #1.Seabrookehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09400079400485962650noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-72844641465034416972013-01-14T19:28:52.906-05:002013-01-14T19:28:52.906-05:00I want to choose this one, but unfortunately I can...I want to choose this one, but unfortunately I can't. I think there's too much information in the query and the pages need work as well. I love the first two paragraphs of the query, considering how much is at stake for the main characters, but then the conflict became not about them and their feelings -- but about other stuff going on that just isn't as interesting. I loved the book FORBIDDEN. It was a fantastic wreck of a novel and I just couldn't stop reading. You need to read that book and see why it works.<br /><br />I want to care about your characters and know why they are attracted to each other and why they are messed up. By adding all this unnecessary conflict to the story, you're diluting the real stuff that's at stake... e.g. hooking up with your cousin is against the law, and it's gross, and people will ridicule them!<br /><br />What you need to tell us in your query is: who is the main character, what is her conflict, what are her choices, and what does she stand to lose if she makes a certain choice? Figure all that stuff out and you'll have a very interesting premise on your hands.<br /><br />Good luck! Mr. Spock (Bouncer)noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-71706734468225978202013-01-14T19:18:00.613-05:002013-01-14T19:18:00.613-05:00I like this! Very nice writing...I would keep rea...I like this! Very nice writing...I would keep reading. Good luck!Tracyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01731777158043597496noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-77677607983501741352013-01-14T16:46:39.939-05:002013-01-14T16:46:39.939-05:00I've already read the ms so I know it's aw...I've already read the ms so I know it's awesome. Great job bringing out the tension in your query. And I still love your first line. Good luck!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com