tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post2743949690561314805..comments2024-03-29T05:20:50.447-04:00Comments on Cupid's Literary Connection: Bouncer Post #86CUPIDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01726782711068858241noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-45507980553906853642013-01-29T18:52:20.584-05:002013-01-29T18:52:20.584-05:00Thank you! Wow. I'm speechless. :-).Thank you! Wow. I'm speechless. :-).Kimhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10680930946666979702noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-83557052040928122152013-01-29T18:39:06.649-05:002013-01-29T18:39:06.649-05:00You're in! I loved this premise, and I think t...You're in! I loved this premise, and I think the market will be open to a YA about escaping a cult marriage. Good thinking!<br /><br />Fix one thing, though. Her mom had a sink installed, but they are super-poor and no strangers ever cross the threshold? This matters so much because it's the second sentence people will read. The ladies above are giving you great advice too.Resolutionnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-74511904033383017852013-01-28T21:17:16.314-05:002013-01-28T21:17:16.314-05:00I love your writing style. The first 250 hooked me...I love your writing style. The first 250 hooked me in. But the query was a bit vague. Some of the terms are more general and doesn't give me an idea of the MC's specific situation. Instead of saying 'supernatural strenght', you could give us an idea of her specific ability? Also 'dark cult' - in what way? You don't want to give out too much information or clutter up the query, but using more specific terms would give this query the uniqueness it deserves. Best of luck!Sujahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16899054126546663789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-16194555770595265712013-01-28T17:47:12.857-05:002013-01-28T17:47:12.857-05:00I think Robyn gave some really great advice.
Lik...I think Robyn gave some really great advice. <br /><br />Like her, I'd like to know a bit more about what supernatural powers Kai's kisses gives Naomi. I think it would really help the query sing. <br /><br />Also, I'm not really sure what to make of the "dark cult" in the beginning. Can you describe it a little better? Cults are usually considered bad anyway so when I read the word, I automatically thought that her situation wasn't good. Maybe it's oppressive or--I don't know. I'd just like a little more there. <br /><br />The first 250 were great. I can feel in her voice how trapped she feels which is wonderful! <br /><br />-Amber (#102)Amberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04803751424984029342noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-24971626321535754582013-01-28T15:52:12.783-05:002013-01-28T15:52:12.783-05:00I am very intrigued about why physical touch burne...I am very intrigued about why physical touch burned, and I have the same questions as the previous commenter, Robyn had, about the depth of her "power" and how it's really going to help her overcome her obstacle. I am fascinated about your subject area (cults) and I would keep reading if I had more, to see where it goes.<br /><br />Virginia #91 Virginia Piercehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11588698042858650140noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-24628632664148483592013-01-28T15:43:22.029-05:002013-01-28T15:43:22.029-05:00Kim, you have a lot of really lovely details in he...Kim, you have a lot of really lovely details in here...I particularly liked the white curls of paint--I could really see them.<br /><br /> I do feel like your query ought to say more about what Naomi's new, mysterious supernatural strength is. Do you mean literally that she becomes physically strong? If so, give us an idea of how strong. Or, if it's something else (telekinesis, mind control or whatever), we'd need to know that. <br /><br />Not sure if anyone else agrees, but maybe a hint more specificity in the last graph of the query, in general? I'd love to know what more I can expect other than the romance and push-back against the creepy father/groom. And ideally a hint about physical touch causing pain, since it's important enough to come in the very first 250 words. <br /><br />If you want a comp for your query, I suggest Struck by Jennifer Bosworth. Good luck! --Robyn #101Robyn Brownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01419207395478885010noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-56201512055250517852013-01-28T10:44:48.183-05:002013-01-28T10:44:48.183-05:00This sounds amazeballs!!
your query is tight and ...This sounds amazeballs!!<br /><br />your query is tight and the first 250 are as well!<br /><br />Yay!<br /><br />Good Luck!!!Mandyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16211243967843155367noreply@blogger.com