tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post3613232641291589933..comments2024-03-29T05:20:50.447-04:00Comments on Cupid's Literary Connection: Bouncer Post #145CUPIDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01726782711068858241noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-43108234768316304212013-02-13T22:04:08.257-05:002013-02-13T22:04:08.257-05:00Thank you for your suggestions! The "them&quo...Thank you for your suggestions! The "them" actually refers to both of her worlds, but perhaps there is a way to make that more clear. I will definitely play around with it. Great feedback :)Renahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09100074766237907654noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-43465385457072088072013-02-13T21:17:24.822-05:002013-02-13T21:17:24.822-05:00Great hook and I really liked the first 250 words!...Great hook and I really liked the first 250 words! I'd keep reading. Just a couple of totally minor suggestions from me. In the query, you say "them" on your last line, but I think you should confirm that you're referring to Frankie's sister and Jack. In your first 250, you have nice descriptions, but the school smelling like gym socks seems a little cliche. Instead reference a smell that hasn't been done a million times before.<br /><br />-Good luck from Entry #152.Shannonhttp://www.shannonwixom.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-32902221456417760702013-02-13T19:05:29.102-05:002013-02-13T19:05:29.102-05:00Thank you! Looking forward to checking out your en...Thank you! Looking forward to checking out your entry :)Renahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09100074766237907654noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-13559106162255103142013-02-13T19:05:03.733-05:002013-02-13T19:05:03.733-05:00Glad you were hooked! Thank you :) Going to check ...Glad you were hooked! Thank you :) Going to check your entry out now!Renahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09100074766237907654noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-53486368739376607402013-02-13T10:56:30.815-05:002013-02-13T10:56:30.815-05:00Both 250 & query are really good. I want to kn...Both 250 & query are really good. I want to know more about her secret! <br /><br />#156Mandie Baxterhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01178057465311925795noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-78162448459742137072013-02-11T22:37:54.271-05:002013-02-11T22:37:54.271-05:00The query and first 250 tease more than they revea...The query and first 250 tease more than they reveal but dang it I really want to know what the sister's diagnosis is so you totally hooked me! #146Carissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10594436685900756259noreply@blogger.com