tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post4719157262666389934..comments2024-03-01T03:18:15.241-05:00Comments on Cupid's Literary Connection: Bouncer Post #33CUPIDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01726782711068858241noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-24516583175722708552012-02-08T13:41:32.114-05:002012-02-08T13:41:32.114-05:00Morgan, I love you SO much. This is exactly what I...Morgan, I love you SO much. This is exactly what I needed. Thank you! <3Darci Colehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06538030983295752993noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-51047710771706854672012-02-08T12:49:55.503-05:002012-02-08T12:49:55.503-05:00Hi Darci! I've got some thoughts and know that...Hi Darci! I've got some thoughts and know that I adore you and have nothing but helpful loving intentions, LOL! <br /><br />So, the query is a bit vague. Lots of teasing elements here, but with a query, there can't be any holding back. You need to lay it all out--be direct so the agent can get a real taste of what is different and unique about your story.<br /><br />Kolina has been looking forward to her seventeenth birthday <---tell us why. And I'd use "has" instead of "had" here. Present tense for query. <br /><br />"part of her wishes it hadn't come at all" <--again, why? Is it because she learned about her sight? That's what I'm guessing... make that more direct, clear.<br /><br />We need to have reason to fear the king and his adviser who will stop at nothing. What will he do? Chop their heads off? Take away their memories? Make us feel that. Maybe come up with another way to phrase "stop at nothing to stop her" ... the double 'stop' doesn't read well. <br /><br />"learns more about her task" <--another instance where you need to spell it out. Too vague :D <br /><br />You've got a nice frame here! Now just fill in the details and make it come alive on the page! <3 <3 <3Morganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15747144518868320969noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-63976966902197569852012-02-07T07:57:29.714-05:002012-02-07T07:57:29.714-05:00Yaaaaayyyy! Thank you so much! I'm totally gid...Yaaaaayyyy! Thank you so much! I'm totally giddy right now... It's 6 am and I feel like flying through the roof! Thank you!Darci Colehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06538030983295752993noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-32795290023248154182012-02-06T22:05:30.691-05:002012-02-06T22:05:30.691-05:00I'm a sucker for fantasy :) Your query needs ...I'm a sucker for fantasy :) Your query needs to be fleshed out a bit to really be eye-catching, but I'd want to read more. You're in! Good luck!Bouncer Iheartbooksnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-53917379870253470752012-02-06T15:34:24.496-05:002012-02-06T15:34:24.496-05:00Thanks David! Note taken :-)Thanks David! Note taken :-)Darci Colehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06538030983295752993noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-35020542284324123332012-02-06T15:01:43.948-05:002012-02-06T15:01:43.948-05:00I agree with Leigh. I could use a little more in t...I agree with Leigh. I could use a little more in the query and maybe not ending it with a question. Based on your 250, I would keep reading. Good use of action tags. Well done! :)David P. Kinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17259276981865439853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-44403558026485100782012-02-06T11:32:05.156-05:002012-02-06T11:32:05.156-05:00Thanks Leigh Ann! I'll definitely make those c...Thanks Leigh Ann! I'll definitely make those changes to the query for future submissions.... you know, just in case this doesn't work out ;-)Darci Colehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06538030983295752993noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-56912295180211198442012-02-06T09:38:54.211-05:002012-02-06T09:38:54.211-05:00This comment has been removed by the author.Darci Colehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06538030983295752993noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-57521852837118653502012-02-06T08:06:16.845-05:002012-02-06T08:06:16.845-05:00Sounds cool! In your query, I'd love to know ...Sounds cool! In your query, I'd love to know a tad more specifics of what the three kingdoms need saving from, and a little more about the villain and his methods.<br /><br />Love how your first 250 communicates Kolina's attitude about her present responsibilities. Interested to see where she's headed!Leigh Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15827971896088856057noreply@blogger.com