tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post4870987884702459821..comments2024-03-29T05:20:50.447-04:00Comments on Cupid's Literary Connection: Bouncer Post #95CUPIDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01726782711068858241noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-17298193783914126742012-02-15T10:44:27.595-05:002012-02-15T10:44:27.595-05:00I agree with Happy Dolphin: don't be discourag...I agree with Happy Dolphin: don't be discouraged!! Your voice is perceptive, smart, and cute without being irritating. Good luck!Alexandra Campbellnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-86738722215893921102012-02-15T08:05:46.508-05:002012-02-15T08:05:46.508-05:00I found this very attention grabbing from the outs...I found this very attention grabbing from the outset so for me the query works and the 250 does not disappoint. I agree that the "taken down by a school supply" line in confusing so I would tweak it. But the images are effective like the mouthful of leaves and the "tree branches that interlocked like gnarly wooden arms" is vivid and terrific. The voice sounds authentic and with just enough of a wry wit to be engaging. She sounds like someone who would be a reliable and entertaining observer of the life and people around her without degenerating into the annoying sarcasm of so many YA narrrators. So, I would definitely read on. The idea itself contained in the query combines both a promise of adventure, the solving of a mystery and both of these lathered with a kind of supernatural intrigue that really grabs me. I likewise agree that the police line could be either cut or explained - as is, it is unnecessary because it just kinds of lays there. Know what I mean? Those are my thoughts for what they are worth. On an encouraging note, I see that you have not yet been visited by a bouncer. Don't despair because I have seen from this contest so far how subjective the process is. There are at least 3 entries (now 4 including yours) that I have read and think should have been passed on to the next round and have not been. There are also more than a few who have made it that I think shouldn't have. So, if I were a bounder you'd be bounced in. But, alas, I am not. Good luck tho and don't give up on your MS if things don't work out. I think your query is in the top 10 of all the ones I have read. And I've read all 50 entries this week.Happy Dolphinnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-43219002830491162892012-02-14T06:37:02.921-05:002012-02-14T06:37:02.921-05:00Thanks, everyone, for the encouraging words. (And ...Thanks, everyone, for the encouraging words. (And Owl for your suggestion on the query: I've actually wondered whether I needed that tidbit in there for motive or not)<br /><br />Hoping one of the bouncers comes along and gives me a table at the "date". :)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-63905006944842517052012-02-13T20:28:53.347-05:002012-02-13T20:28:53.347-05:00Yes, that first paragraph of your query hooked me ...Yes, that first paragraph of your query hooked me too. Good luck.Rachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12870655070026853342noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-19933617802037608342012-02-13T16:16:43.425-05:002012-02-13T16:16:43.425-05:00The first paragraph in you query hooked me. And I ...The first paragraph in you query hooked me. And I like the voice too. Good luck.Suzihttp://literaryengineer.areavoices.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-41901128460293863742012-02-13T08:56:39.367-05:002012-02-13T08:56:39.367-05:00I agree that the voice is great. It sounds like a ...I agree that the voice is great. It sounds like a narrator that I would like to go along with for a while. The query itself is strong and intrigues me. Only one thing - the misunderstanding with police might be unnecessary info since it it not explained in any way. Also, in the 250 I wasn't sure what taken down by school supply meant. But that was it - the rest was entertaining and I would continue on readingOwlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-52812765909429341682012-02-13T06:18:42.206-05:002012-02-13T06:18:42.206-05:00I love the voice in your query and in your first 2...I love the voice in your query and in your first 250! It can be hard to make sure your query voice is the same as the book- but you nailed it. Also, comparing Dash to a puzzle is perfect. Good luck!Meganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13297931478620077336noreply@blogger.com