tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post5167352442128093195..comments2024-03-20T07:22:57.464-04:00Comments on Cupid's Literary Connection: Team CupidsLC #8 - BURNOUTCUPIDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01726782711068858241noreply@blogger.comBlogger46125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-82675669814032860192012-05-24T16:33:42.945-04:002012-05-24T16:33:42.945-04:00Thanks for reading, Jez!
There's definitely ...Thanks for reading, Jez! <br /><br />There's definitely more to the Sloane/Callie story line and why there's so much tension and animosity between the two. <br /><br />And this book does not have a happily ever after ending.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14710831428164347510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-56651768288980398982012-05-22T23:47:52.019-04:002012-05-22T23:47:52.019-04:00Very good, Amy. "but Sloane won’t give up the...Very good, Amy. "but Sloane won’t give up the chance to ruin Callie’s perfect little world without a fight." I don't know why Sloane wants to ruin Callie's world. They used to be friends, and just because they had drifted apart isn't justification for ruining someone's world.<br /> <br />In the last sentence, "In the end, someone’s going to crash and burn, and it’s up to Callie whether it will be herself or Milo, the boy she’s realized too late that she’s in love with." You've effectively stated that either Callie or Milo is going to suffer a bad fate, so you can't trick the reader and have a happy ending unless you tweak that last sentence. Of course, you may have a fate worse than death planned...Jeznoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-61468618343124295952012-05-22T13:34:38.862-04:002012-05-22T13:34:38.862-04:00How cool, April!! I'm so glad that you took a ...How cool, April!! I'm so glad that you took a moment to read this. I'd love to know your opinion on the racing aspects and all. I actually did drag race as a teenager and for several years. I loved it!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14710831428164347510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-46305985818766083742012-05-22T11:38:03.555-04:002012-05-22T11:38:03.555-04:00Thanks, Noelle!! :)Thanks, Noelle!! :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14710831428164347510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-14376858679206527712012-05-22T11:37:44.233-04:002012-05-22T11:37:44.233-04:00Thank you Kimberly!! :-)Thank you Kimberly!! :-)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14710831428164347510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-21886527023043105232012-05-22T11:37:23.883-04:002012-05-22T11:37:23.883-04:00hehehe thanks so much Leigh Ann!!! You are a doll!...hehehe thanks so much Leigh Ann!!! You are a doll!! :-DAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14710831428164347510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-77519491004392503662012-05-22T11:37:04.927-04:002012-05-22T11:37:04.927-04:00Aww thanks, Jamie!! :O)Aww thanks, Jamie!! :O)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14710831428164347510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-29723002116466222862012-05-22T11:36:29.492-04:002012-05-22T11:36:29.492-04:00hehe thanks Kristin!! :-)hehe thanks Kristin!! :-)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14710831428164347510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-40706685684217303462012-05-22T11:36:11.854-04:002012-05-22T11:36:11.854-04:00I'm sorry. I'm still sort of shocked. Does...I'm sorry. I'm still sort of shocked. Does 'thank you' even come close to expressing myself? No way! But I'll start there. THANK YOU!!!!! :-DAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14710831428164347510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-15566486830360031822012-05-22T11:35:27.227-04:002012-05-22T11:35:27.227-04:00Thanks so much for your feedback, Tara! it's s...Thanks so much for your feedback, Tara! it's so cool of you to take the time to do this for everyone. I genuinely appreciate it. :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14710831428164347510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-30086768246593702792012-05-22T10:28:51.727-04:002012-05-22T10:28:51.727-04:00#8 BURNOUT
Query:
I can’t say that drag racing i...#8 BURNOUT<br /><br />Query:<br /><br />I can’t say that drag racing interests me specifically, but it sounds like a potentially unique backdrop for a contemporary. This query seems pretty straightforward and gives us the information we need about the story. One word really gave me pause, though, and that was “the” in “the ill-intentioned ex-best friend.” It made it seem like you were purposefully presenting Sloane as a clichéd archetype, and I’m not sure why you’d want to do this. Why not just call her “Callie’s ill-intentioned ex-best friend”? You could probably even drop “ill-intentioned,” since it becomes clear pretty quickly that Sloane is up to no good.<br /><br />Another nit: In the second paragraph, I’d go with “blows Callie off” rather than “blows off Callie.” <br /><br />First page:<br /><br />Overall, I really like this scene. We get immersed in Callie’s world quickly, and there are some great visual details, like the image of the sneakers. <br /><br />In the opening paragraph, I’m a little confused as to how she ends up with the ink on her tongue if she’s just using her teeth to pull off the cap. For some reason, the mechanics of it just really didn’t make sense to me, even after a couple of rereads.<br /><br />Also, I’m not in love with the “Hello, Universe. Callie White…<br />extraordinaire.” bit; it’s the only part that feels like you’re telling, shoving information at the read that you think he needs to know. I really think we can figure out that she’s into racing from the context, and you can probably get her name in somewhere else soon. “Just try and stop me. I dare you.” also rubbed me the wrong way—I wasn’t sure who Callie was mentally addressing. Unless this is a diary entry or something, I feel like this kind of monologue is out of place.<br /><br />I thought that the scene was promising otherwise and would definitely turn the page to see what happened next!Tara Dairmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02553180762608936696noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-63441282939357022032012-05-21T18:26:49.510-04:002012-05-21T18:26:49.510-04:00LOVE IT!!!!! GO GO GO!!!LOVE IT!!!!! GO GO GO!!!Kristin Raehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14169967050454852124noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-22688568829491969962012-05-20T20:47:47.859-04:002012-05-20T20:47:47.859-04:00This sounds fantastic! Love the voice - immediatel...This sounds fantastic! Love the voice - immediately sucked me in, even though I don't know much about cars! I already want to know what happens between Callie and Milo! Good luck with this!Jamie Greyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07504892632149036762noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-56732863789083374722012-05-20T14:45:23.473-04:002012-05-20T14:45:23.473-04:00Vroom vroom! This sucker is pedal-the-metal unput...Vroom vroom! This sucker is pedal-the-metal unputdownable! Can't wait to read the whole thing, I'm dying to know what happens with Callie and Milo (seriously. Please tell me something happens.)<br /><br />SO proud to be on your team. SO proud to be a new beta. <3<br /><br />GO BURNOUT GO!!!!!!!!Leigh Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15827971896088856057noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-1691175002355378842012-05-19T16:48:46.013-04:002012-05-19T16:48:46.013-04:00Wow - Love this opening scene...different, right? ...Wow - Love this opening scene...different, right? Been a fan of this one since first round. Good luck!Kimberly Gabrielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05588782441929008886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-42626864693543797712012-05-19T13:27:41.468-04:002012-05-19T13:27:41.468-04:00Such a great concept! I love the idea of a teenage...Such a great concept! I love the idea of a teenage drag racer, and Callie sounds like such a strong character. I want to read on! Good luck!Noelle Henryhttp://noellehenry.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-29015009454604345562012-05-19T00:17:40.912-04:002012-05-19T00:17:40.912-04:00Solid revisions. Love the idea of a strong female...Solid revisions. Love the idea of a strong female MC. <br /><br />Good luck!TYHatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00654651712633828288noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-56582554043319039192012-05-18T23:01:57.561-04:002012-05-18T23:01:57.561-04:00Excellent opening page. This is beautifully writt...Excellent opening page. This is beautifully written.Lisa K.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00379245068324225101noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-438562732446489242012-05-18T15:46:25.532-04:002012-05-18T15:46:25.532-04:00I loved this concept from the time I first read it...I loved this concept from the time I first read it. The opening is fantastic! Good luck!Sarah Hensonhttp://wordencounters.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-64379919244035012442012-05-18T15:33:10.348-04:002012-05-18T15:33:10.348-04:00I grew up in a racing family (dirt car, not drag c...I grew up in a racing family (dirt car, not drag cars) so this world is so familiar and for a little while I too wanted to be a racer. Love the title and I know how well that ties in! Good luck!April Wallhttp://aewelch.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-91959721504694483792012-05-18T14:46:27.546-04:002012-05-18T14:46:27.546-04:00:-D Your comment has left me beaming! thanks so mu...:-D Your comment has left me beaming! thanks so much, Becca!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14710831428164347510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-25209870372563231332012-05-18T14:44:28.599-04:002012-05-18T14:44:28.599-04:00lol I can only hope you're right, Dahlia! ;)lol I can only hope you're right, Dahlia! ;)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14710831428164347510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-37773392152493155482012-05-18T13:46:41.359-04:002012-05-18T13:46:41.359-04:00Still not over my total love for this drag racing ...Still not over my total love for this drag racing premise, and your excerpt gives me such great voice and atmosphere right off the bat.Becca C.http://beccaweston.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-68631201737739083452012-05-18T11:57:27.113-04:002012-05-18T11:57:27.113-04:00Best friend love story AND a drag-racing chick--ho...Best friend love story AND a drag-racing chick--how can ANYONE possibly resist this??Dahlia Adlerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02265012593385220677noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-48578553699980381052012-05-18T11:47:17.278-04:002012-05-18T11:47:17.278-04:00Thanks, MK! Good luck to you as well! :)Thanks, MK! Good luck to you as well! :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14710831428164347510noreply@blogger.com