tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post7071246698975333481..comments2024-03-20T07:22:57.464-04:00Comments on Cupid's Literary Connection: Query Crit #4CUPIDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01726782711068858241noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-77105349090069133732012-04-29T23:02:42.533-04:002012-04-29T23:02:42.533-04:00You have a fun voice! "After several elaborat...You have a fun voice! "After several elaborate plans involving dental floss, lip gloss, and an elevator in the most unexpected place" (so cute!) Honestly, I don't have many comments on this-- a few sentences are a bit long, but it sounds like a great story and I love the energy in this query.Issyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04272961878872005524noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-47130090781634651602012-04-27T23:03:17.729-04:002012-04-27T23:03:17.729-04:00LOVE LOVE LOVE the voice - this sounds so fun! Per...LOVE LOVE LOVE the voice - this sounds so fun! Personally, I had no trouble with the dark energy reference (and I nearly flunked science in high school, so....). I do wonder if you can tighten up that first paragraph. The voice works really well, but it's a bit wordy and I think it could have more punch. If you can make that part snappier and keep the voice, I'd strongly recommend doing it.<br /><br />Also, NINJAS FTW! :)MarcyKatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08303670174583471227noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-89060111083329719812012-04-26T12:01:36.962-04:002012-04-26T12:01:36.962-04:00I think this has a great middle grade voice. The n...I think this has a great middle grade voice. The ninjas didn't throw me off at all. Ninjas are a definite hook for MG readers. It sounds like a lot of fun!Carmenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01502915116446772081noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-44325818737408236572012-04-25T20:42:46.715-04:002012-04-25T20:42:46.715-04:00Your query made me laugh! :)
As Stephanie said, ...Your query made me laugh! :) <br /><br />As Stephanie said, you've got a clear voice here, and it comes across nicely. But, like both she and Anna, the ninjas threw me for a loop. It's like you read somewhere, "when in doubt, throw in ninjas!" (Kind of like the old murder mystery standby, "when in doubt, throw in another dead body!") Basically, it made me wonder if there wasn't something wrong with your plot where you got to a certain point and were stymied. <br /><br />I'm not very familiar with the MG age group, but 63K seems a little lengthy to me. Maybe I'm wrong... <br /><br />Overall, when my daughter gets to be an MG reader, this is the type of book I'd probably want her reading. :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10072706769675479529noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-2023344870272103982012-04-25T20:15:53.298-04:002012-04-25T20:15:53.298-04:00Love the real science bent to this.
I was intrig...Love the real science bent to this. <br /><br />I was intrigued by how she discovers that dark energy exists. Could you fit in a little about that? It sounds like a crucial point in the book, and it’d be great to get a sense of what that kind of revelation looks like in the story. <br /><br />The ninjas came a little out of left field for me, and what Stephanie suggested about the discovery might help with that. It sounds like you’ve got a lot packed into your plot, so make sure we’re along for the ride!<br /><br />Buena suerte!Annanoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-12620873462033640542012-04-25T17:01:59.261-04:002012-04-25T17:01:59.261-04:00I'd suggest providing a bit of an explanation ...I'd suggest providing a bit of an explanation about what "dark energy" is exactly, since I had to go look it up. :P You have nice a voice here and the plot sounds interesting, but I would like to have some sense of what the "earth-shattering discovery" might be, which would help the whole concept of ninjas seem more realistic. Good luck with this!Stephanie Diazhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10606180983300679986noreply@blogger.com