tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post7198484696584114857..comments2024-03-20T07:22:57.464-04:00Comments on Cupid's Literary Connection: Bouncer Post #30CUPIDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01726782711068858241noreply@blogger.comBlogger3125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-29063260608739562032013-01-15T19:16:23.338-05:002013-01-15T19:16:23.338-05:00Thank you so much for taking the time to comment o...Thank you so much for taking the time to comment on my pitch! Your input is wonderful and will really help go a long way with trying to revise it. Just in case you haven’t made up your mind yet and happen to double back to check for my response, I wanted to address a few of your concerns.<br /><br />Another version of my pitch begins with this line: “Unbeknownst to Olivia Winslow, she is the product of a satanic cult rape,” but I took the advice of a few CP’s who suggested it gives away too much of the story up front, and that agents might make the wrong assumptions on the appropriateness of content involving such a mature theme. I have to admit, some of the content is controversial, which I hope was successfully alluded to in the vague reference to a forbidden love, but is handled maturely and appropriately for a YA audience - I believe. <br /><br />Again, thank you so much for the feedback!#30noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-67924592209957560852013-01-15T18:20:28.305-05:002013-01-15T18:20:28.305-05:00Ooh, this sounds cool and eerie! I have some quest...Ooh, this sounds cool and eerie! I have some questions about the query. First, her parents believing she’s the demon offspring of Satan—whoa! I feel like it’s tossed into the query like that’s a normal thing for parents to think/say, but it’s not, and I wanted more explanation as to why they’d think that and why she’s put up with it without explanation. And do you mean she’s seeking revenge on her parents? Then the second paragraph: how would confusion over love lead to finding out she’s a demon? I know you don’t have enough room in a query to tell every detail, but when it’s not a logical leap the reader can make themselves, I think we need a little more explanation.<br /><br />In the 250, I like the voice, but until the mention of smoking and drinking, I thought this was maybe a prologue with the characters as children. The whole “tell me a story” thing felt young to me. <br /><br />I do like the eerie cool vibe of this, though!<br />Bouncer Champagnenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-64620808651243494302013-01-14T21:01:08.579-05:002013-01-14T21:01:08.579-05:00I really like the premise. I think the first parag...I really like the premise. I think the first paragraph reads a bit like an info dump -- some of it could be parsed out. I might start with an intro sentence like: I bugged the crap out of my cousin by asking him to tell me the story of birth over and over. He always gives in.<br /><br />With the satanic element, your genre might be more paranormal than psych suspense. <br /><br />Good luck. I'd love to read this bookDurango Writerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14854000354374970070noreply@blogger.com