tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post7698530480493304207..comments2024-03-20T07:22:57.464-04:00Comments on Cupid's Literary Connection: Team CupidsLC #11 - PHOBICCUPIDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01726782711068858241noreply@blogger.comBlogger30125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-47083762222770658022012-05-22T10:31:43.254-04:002012-05-22T10:31:43.254-04:00#11 PHOBIC
Query:
Oooh, freaky! The bit about th...#11 PHOBIC<br /><br />Query:<br /><br />Oooh, freaky! The bit about the mom committing murder in the house is a great hook—it makes the situation feel more personal than just a random haunted house. I really can’t find anything I would change about this query—it seems to lay out all the important beats of the story and certainly piques my interest to find out more.<br /><br />First page:<br /><br />NICE writing here! I’m feeling creeped out by the walls right along with the narrator. I really like how you work the details about the house into an otherwise normal scene with your MC practicing the clarinet. I’m also really intrigued that she refers to her parents’ room, which makes me think that her mom is not in jail…and wonder why that is.<br /><br />Normally I’d suggest starting in the present before going into a flashback, but I think that the brief flashback you begin with here is so compelling that it might be the exception to that rule. <br /><br />I’d add a comma after “six years old,” but that’s my only nitpick. Great first page!Tara Dairmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02553180762608936696noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-64606391598309422122012-05-21T13:30:01.041-04:002012-05-21T13:30:01.041-04:00I vote for you! What a great concept. Looking forw...I vote for you! What a great concept. Looking forward to your pages.Taylor Martindalehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17927088375331596378noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-67824101173658995822012-05-21T13:01:34.982-04:002012-05-21T13:01:34.982-04:00Loooooove this story!!!!! Go PHOBIC!!!!! :DLoooooove this story!!!!! Go PHOBIC!!!!! :DMorganhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15747144518868320969noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-68237709724318999512012-05-21T12:19:21.063-04:002012-05-21T12:19:21.063-04:00I vote for you!I vote for you!Susan Hawkhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09089666265680888535noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-9124910886825207342012-05-21T11:39:55.716-04:002012-05-21T11:39:55.716-04:00I vote for you!I vote for you!Tricia Lawrence of Erin Murphy Literaryhttp://www.emliterary.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-45039812774055827942012-05-20T14:31:50.154-04:002012-05-20T14:31:50.154-04:00I STILL shudder when I read this query - and as a ...I STILL shudder when I read this query - and as a proud and happy teammate, I've read it a few times. ;) <br /><br />Incredible concept, beautiful writing, lady! So proud to be on your team. I'm cheering for you so hard! GO PHOBIC GO!!!!Leigh Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06334466390148315624noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-73429683231238362762012-05-20T11:32:31.191-04:002012-05-20T11:32:31.191-04:00*floats through, moaning and making ghosty sounds*...*floats through, moaning and making ghosty sounds* WOOO OOOHHH!!! Way to go! GOOOOD LUUUCK WOOOOOO.....Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17750574540998354658noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-24576942113106876062012-05-19T16:40:14.642-04:002012-05-19T16:40:14.642-04:00Still love this premise and the opening lines....t...Still love this premise and the opening lines....they pull me in right away! Good luck!Kimberly Gabrielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05588782441929008886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-21117289772988030822012-05-19T13:33:49.222-04:002012-05-19T13:33:49.222-04:00I normally would not pick up a horror story, but t...I normally would not pick up a horror story, but this one sounds really creepy and intriguing and really captures my interest. Great job! Good luck!Noelle Henryhttp://noellehenry.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-20918278827361514722012-05-19T00:02:45.667-04:002012-05-19T00:02:45.667-04:00I love the changes to your query. Definitely draw...I love the changes to your query. Definitely draws me in.<br /><br />Good luck!TYHatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00654651712633828288noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-59784981340680412712012-05-18T22:50:21.860-04:002012-05-18T22:50:21.860-04:00What a great, creative twist on a haunted house st...What a great, creative twist on a haunted house story. This sounds like something I'd love to read.Lisa K.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00379245068324225101noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-66985581398785400652012-05-18T15:25:37.741-04:002012-05-18T15:25:37.741-04:00Such creepy goodness here! Good luck!Such creepy goodness here! Good luck!Sarah Hensonhttp://wordencounters.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-18460783133824230862012-05-18T15:09:53.458-04:002012-05-18T15:09:53.458-04:00Haunted or alive, this house sounds totally creept...Haunted or alive, this house sounds totally creeptastic! Good luck!April Wallhttp://aewelch.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-9627692897383628322012-05-18T13:43:56.679-04:002012-05-18T13:43:56.679-04:00The whole living house and that first line - guh! ...The whole living house and that first line - guh! Gives me the shivers! Love it.Becca C.http://beccaweston.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-989004903936957132012-05-18T13:30:20.347-04:002012-05-18T13:30:20.347-04:00I LOVE this. I would totally read it. Haunting, gr...I LOVE this. I would totally read it. Haunting, great premise. I'm sold ;o)erica m. chapmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14773306703153110737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-51296712857740488902012-05-18T11:11:49.879-04:002012-05-18T11:11:49.879-04:00Sounds amazing! I'd love to read it.Sounds amazing! I'd love to read it.A. Lockwoodhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04978856161066277320noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-78817049500866855402012-05-18T10:23:01.043-04:002012-05-18T10:23:01.043-04:00Ahh so creepy! And the first 250 make sure we know...Ahh so creepy! And the first 250 make sure we know it stays that way. Good luck!Ambiguous_Ahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14401920531742299549noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-1835398899393730882012-05-18T00:22:08.563-04:002012-05-18T00:22:08.563-04:00So wonderfully creepy - WELL DONE! Good luck! :DSo wonderfully creepy - WELL DONE! Good luck! :DMarcyKatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08303670174583471227noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-72052017179905115992012-05-17T23:34:02.029-04:002012-05-17T23:34:02.029-04:00This sounds SO creepy! I love it!This sounds SO creepy! I love it!Jessica Lovehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01382996481558671385noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-78830432493208624132012-05-17T21:48:40.743-04:002012-05-17T21:48:40.743-04:00Oh my god, yes, yes, yes, I want to read this righ...Oh my god, yes, yes, yes, I want to read this right now. This is *awesome*. I'm gushing because 1.) it's horror, 2.) it's YA horror and 3.) the concept is awesome and 4.) those first lines are great. Really, this whole thing is perfect.tlbodinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08334888426768433724noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-11133395781898793482012-05-17T16:15:38.640-04:002012-05-17T16:15:38.640-04:00Haunted houses are very cool! Ditto on the first t...Haunted houses are very cool! Ditto on the first two lines comment. You've got the best first two lines of the whole group. But then again, I like creepy stories like this.Suzihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16502606950280751205noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-42239124510622627052012-05-17T15:07:54.761-04:002012-05-17T15:07:54.761-04:00Such a cool premise! I'm totally rooting for y...Such a cool premise! I'm totally rooting for you, Cortney!Ann Bradenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06948850218207863022noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-88491294093678537822012-05-17T13:59:02.222-04:002012-05-17T13:59:02.222-04:00LOVE this idea - i love haunted houses and throw i...LOVE this idea - i love haunted houses and throw in one that's alive? AwesomeSarah Ahiershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02795455714801965956noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-19308740924812553492012-05-17T13:49:46.369-04:002012-05-17T13:49:46.369-04:00Woot!!!!! Go, go, go!!! (Seriously. Pee-your-panti...Woot!!!!! Go, go, go!!! (Seriously. Pee-your-panties scary.)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13380826220166366026noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-69124148190435048372012-05-17T13:12:14.586-04:002012-05-17T13:12:14.586-04:00I've read this manuscript and it rocks! Not ma...I've read this manuscript and it rocks! Not many stories feature a house as one of the main characters. Go Cortney!Anne Pfefferhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11740653757340627122noreply@blogger.com