tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post158267467457513154..comments2024-03-29T05:20:50.447-04:00Comments on Cupid's Literary Connection: Team CupidsLC #5 - ONECUPIDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01726782711068858241noreply@blogger.comBlogger38125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-70850499202247758072012-05-22T20:22:47.456-04:002012-05-22T20:22:47.456-04:00Thank you so very much for taking the time to crit...Thank you so very much for taking the time to critique! You are a ROCK STAR and your input is so appreciated!Leigh Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06334466390148315624noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-69589035286047194392012-05-22T10:26:35.065-04:002012-05-22T10:26:35.065-04:00#5 ONE
Query:
Overall, I think that this query i...#5 ONE<br /><br />Query:<br /><br />Overall, I think that this query is really strong. I really like the first line—it gives us the setup we need to understand the main conflict, and you get some nice voice in there with “sad half-superpowered freak.” <br /><br />There were a few times when I wanted to see Merrin’s name used again instead of just “she”—like in the sentence about kissing (“helping Merrin fly”). I’m also not sure why the sentence about her mad chemistry skills gets its own paragraph, since it doesn’t seem like the most important plot point. I think that you could combine it with the final paragraph—something like “When Merrin’s mad chemistry skills finally land her a spot…list, it seems like everything is falling into place. But then the Hub kidnaps Elias, and she must decide…” Just a suggestion.<br /><br />First page:<br /><br />For me, there’s a bit too much backstory/telling going on here. Rather than hearing that practicing before sunrise is her normal routine, I’d much rather start in the scene of a particular day, see Merrin trying to go weightless, wonder a bit about what she’s up to, and THEN, on page two or three, start to get some explanation. <br /><br />I like the specificity of “standing in our weedy backyard surrounded by a chorus of crickets” (I also liked knowing from the query that the setting is rural Nebraska—beautiful) and would love to see this page start with that bit.Tara Dairmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02553180762608936696noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-50038762398467663082012-05-21T15:37:23.650-04:002012-05-21T15:37:23.650-04:00I love this voice. I think it is so strong, and I ...I love this voice. I think it is so strong, and I hope this novel goes far. Good luck!!!!!!Rachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18076907708483883575noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-20904590796943823202012-05-21T15:35:54.958-04:002012-05-21T15:35:54.958-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Rachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18076907708483883575noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-25124133749064754312012-05-21T11:39:05.349-04:002012-05-21T11:39:05.349-04:00I vote for you!I vote for you!Tricia Lawrence of Erin Murphy Literaryhttp://www.emliterary.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-7946216285595025412012-05-20T15:56:13.477-04:002012-05-20T15:56:13.477-04:00With your network of support and as many eyes as y...With your network of support and as many eyes as you have on this, you can't go wrong. Just stay true to your vision and good things will come! Go ONE!Alaskan Ninjahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15302796847867918294noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-42367387902596435012012-05-20T15:21:17.536-04:002012-05-20T15:21:17.536-04:00This is SUCH an amazing story! Nice job on tighten...This is SUCH an amazing story! Nice job on tightening the query - Best of luck!!!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-33003193547279041792012-05-20T15:06:00.307-04:002012-05-20T15:06:00.307-04:00I love the changes! Made an already fantastic quer...I love the changes! Made an already fantastic query and first page even better. This is such a beautiful story. Good luck!!Maggie Hallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17378337707268580252noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-69091643171759270502012-05-20T15:04:44.735-04:002012-05-20T15:04:44.735-04:00This comment has been removed by the author.Maggie Hallhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17378337707268580252noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-12939818122116861872012-05-20T14:13:45.088-04:002012-05-20T14:13:45.088-04:00I swore I commented on this already, but you alrea...I swore I commented on this already, but you already know how much I LOVE this! The query is fantastic and the opening page changes make it SO hooky! You are a rock-star! Good luck!!Jamie Greyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07504892632149036762noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-8597944779451368542012-05-19T16:55:28.819-04:002012-05-19T16:55:28.819-04:00Oh One...have always loved this entry. Great chang...Oh One...have always loved this entry. Great changes. Can't wait to see you rack up requests when the agents step in!Kimberly Gabrielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05588782441929008886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-40469989689990092222012-05-19T14:00:29.717-04:002012-05-19T14:00:29.717-04:00A fantastic original twist on the superhero story!...A fantastic original twist on the superhero story! I love the concept, the writing and the voice. Good luck!Kat Ellishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12263183221725778043noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-15140837630628056172012-05-19T13:17:13.869-04:002012-05-19T13:17:13.869-04:00You had me with the first line of your query! What...You had me with the first line of your query! What a great premise. Good luck!Noelle Henryhttp://noellehenry.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-32068600181855892982012-05-19T04:38:27.200-04:002012-05-19T04:38:27.200-04:00This is such a clever idea. The query letter real...This is such a clever idea. The query letter really hooks me and makes me want to read the entire book!Jennie Baileyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02088195986628533511noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-92002086591780810532012-05-19T00:35:45.623-04:002012-05-19T00:35:45.623-04:00Your previous query had an Incredibles-ish vibe, b...Your previous query had an Incredibles-ish vibe, but this version stands on its own. So fun.<br /><br />Good luck!TYHatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00654651712633828288noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-52367534952051511062012-05-18T23:32:52.725-04:002012-05-18T23:32:52.725-04:00Great query and I found the first page extremely e...Great query and I found the first page extremely engaging. I would definitely keep reading!Lisa K.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00379245068324225101noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-71769992949182168202012-05-18T23:03:42.586-04:002012-05-18T23:03:42.586-04:00Love the way you've taken superpowers and give...Love the way you've taken superpowers and given them a new twist. The first 250 really drew me in. Good luck!Michelle Masonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00180842477967297259noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-22095539713675780482012-05-18T15:51:36.211-04:002012-05-18T15:51:36.211-04:00And One can be the loneliest number that you'l...And One can be the loneliest number that you'll ever do, lol. Good job and good luck!April Wallhttp://aewelch.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-40656745515208219242012-05-18T15:50:07.818-04:002012-05-18T15:50:07.818-04:00I've love this since I first saw it. Good luck...I've love this since I first saw it. Good luck!Sarah Hensonhttp://wordencounters.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-79731560605150359552012-05-18T15:42:43.934-04:002012-05-18T15:42:43.934-04:00Nice work! I want to read this EVEN MORE now!Nice work! I want to read this EVEN MORE now!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-56992817902960382892012-05-18T13:54:04.973-04:002012-05-18T13:54:04.973-04:00This looks so awesome - that query is wicked tight...This looks so awesome - that query is wicked tight and compelling!Becca C.http://beccaweston.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-60498419819345265082012-05-18T11:51:10.645-04:002012-05-18T11:51:10.645-04:00Love this story so much, and proud to be on your t...Love this story so much, and proud to be on your team!Dahlia Adlerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02265012593385220677noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-87694428547767489382012-05-18T09:55:00.340-04:002012-05-18T09:55:00.340-04:00Such an awesome entry!!! And I adore the second li...Such an awesome entry!!! And I adore the second line of your query <3 It gives such a great sense of the story and conveys so much of her voice!<br /><br />You're going to do great, I know it <3<br /><br />Hugs,<br /><br />RachRachael Harriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16764930101064527321noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-62355079086708423562012-05-18T00:08:24.639-04:002012-05-18T00:08:24.639-04:00Good luck!Good luck!tlbodinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08334888426768433724noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-29460815411456017792012-05-17T22:59:46.863-04:002012-05-17T22:59:46.863-04:00LOVE this! It's fantastic and such a fun idea!...LOVE this! It's fantastic and such a fun idea!! :DCortney Pearsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00774060537148628453noreply@blogger.com