tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post1939264198548873694..comments2024-03-20T07:22:57.464-04:00Comments on Cupid's Literary Connection: Bouncer Round 6 #12CUPIDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01726782711068858241noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-89417608331544957382013-02-19T13:58:40.828-05:002013-02-19T13:58:40.828-05:00The premise grabbed me right away, suspense, reven...The premise grabbed me right away, suspense, revenge, danger and romance combined. I thought your first 250 were effective as well. I don't mind ending with a question at the end of your pitch either. Well done.I would want to read on.<br />Dianne #13Dianne Scotthttp://diannescott.canoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-4700883875235216622013-02-19T09:10:08.129-05:002013-02-19T09:10:08.129-05:00I don't mind the question at the end of your q...I don't mind the question at the end of your query. As you know, this is very subjective, and while some agents hate any questions poised in a query, others are OK as long as the question is good. Since your question is at the end, and not the beginning of the query (which is a big no-no), I think it's OK and this is definitely a style choice. <br /><br />I really enjoyed your 250 and I think the query letter is good! Good luck, and I'd read on if I had more pages! <br /><br />Virginia #9Virginia Piercehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11588698042858650140noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-51476471072384918052013-02-19T07:33:27.568-05:002013-02-19T07:33:27.568-05:00Wow love your query! Well done. My only comment is...Wow love your query! Well done. My only comment is the first sentence in the last paragraph feels a bit clunky. I think you have two separate thoughts there and I'd consider breaking it up into two sentences.<br /><br />Great opening 250. I love the second paragraph it really sets up the issue right off the bat. One minor nitpick with the line "Power. As in the singular form." I think I see what you are trying to do, point out the differences between those with two powers vs those with one, but I'm not sure that line is working. It's a bit confusing as it sounds. Maybe consider adding something like "Power. As in the singular form. Not a dangerous, freak like me with two powers." just a little something extra to tip off the reader that your main character is a bit different from the rest.<br /><br />Otherwise great job. I'd definitely read on. I love that you've already set up some potential villains on the bus ride in. Good luck with your entry.<br /><br />Jamie # 36Jamie Krakoverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16808802721340647047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-87587243210528753142013-02-19T00:48:25.878-05:002013-02-19T00:48:25.878-05:00I enjoyed your first 250 words, especially the las...I enjoyed your first 250 words, especially the last line. <br /><br />My only suggestion is in regards to your query. I'd try and avoid ending your query with a question, which will give it more impact as a 'sinker'. <br /><br />I think I'd also like a hint of Melody's personal interest into helping the collapsed trainees? Because if she helps she'll expose her two powers?<br /><br />Good luck with it. :)<br />-#25Mia K Rosehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10559392161390047500noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-29982098257499686192013-02-18T15:21:47.815-05:002013-02-18T15:21:47.815-05:00Ha! I love your MC already. She's great!
You...Ha! I love your MC already. She's great! <br /><br />Your book sounds so awesome! I'd read in a heartbeat. It's like Divergent meets Paranormalcy - both of which I loved.<br /><br />Carissa #24Carissahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10594436685900756259noreply@blogger.com