tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post2296928189943053813..comments2024-03-29T05:20:50.447-04:00Comments on Cupid's Literary Connection: Bouncer Post #78CUPIDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01726782711068858241noreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-38216826774385511642013-01-30T17:05:31.355-05:002013-01-30T17:05:31.355-05:00Oops! Sorry, the above is my reply to Rachel's...Oops! Sorry, the above is my reply to Rachel's comments.<br />Thanks, Amy, for your positive comments. You are very encouraging! I'll switch the word to "remembers" as you suggested for clarity.<br />Dianne, #78Dianne Scotthttp://diannescott.canoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-62748299941661696862013-01-30T17:02:34.327-05:002013-01-30T17:02:34.327-05:00Oops! I put my reply in the wrong place. Thanks Ra...Oops! I put my reply in the wrong place. Thanks Rachel for your comments. I'm glad you feel connected to the characters. And thanks for the quick fix suggestion.<br />Dianne #78Dianne Scotthttp://diannescott.canoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-61003554130033976252013-01-29T14:05:05.105-05:002013-01-29T14:05:05.105-05:00Thanks for your comment Jennie, my fellow Canadian...Thanks for your comment Jennie, my fellow Canadian!. In my longer version of my query, I do go into more detail about how Anne helps the Singhs(money, she watches over them, she pays for the kids summer camp, she investigates the abusive husband and calls police when he hangs around...)<br />She meets the Singhs in court, in this first scene..but I will try to connect the two plots more clearly.<br />Great advice. Thanks<br />Dianne Scotthttp://diannescott.canoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-3240521045435974132013-01-29T13:40:44.777-05:002013-01-29T13:40:44.777-05:00I'm glad you are rooting for my two main femal...I'm glad you are rooting for my two main female characters. Thanks for the comments.<br />Dianne Scott<br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-49329022009073086912013-01-29T00:05:00.618-05:002013-01-29T00:05:00.618-05:00Fascinating concept. I like the idea of a "mo...Fascinating concept. I like the idea of a "monkey charm" and wish I had one. :) I personally like where you start the story and I think this is an excellent example of how subjective this business is. I like to get to know the characters a bit before we throw them to the wolves. <br /><br />Query: One thought, from your 250, it's clear May knows of the Singhs before her hubby's stroke, but in the query you say "Anne discovers the Singhs." Perhaps a different word, like "remembers." Question - does something special prompt May to want to help this family? If so, I would mention it in the query. <br /><br />250: Outstanding dialogue and opening scene. <br /><br />Good luck!<br />Amy #73aereicherthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00548305046663514133noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-34155926895776836912013-01-28T19:36:49.883-05:002013-01-28T19:36:49.883-05:00Whoops, speaking of typos...*Singhs* :)Whoops, speaking of typos...*Singhs* :)jenniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07636088542855575230noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-58824101348929083652013-01-28T19:35:19.673-05:002013-01-28T19:35:19.673-05:00Hi Dianne!
So, our subject matter has a slight ov...Hi Dianne!<br /><br />So, our subject matter has a slight overlap, so it piqued my interest right away. Also, we're both Canadian (*Northern high five* ;) ).<br /><br />I'm a little confused how Anne (a) learns about the Signs and (b) what she would be doing as a secret benefactor. Is this about money? How can she be protective if they don't know who she is? Your query is on the shorter side right now, so I think you have some room to connect the two plot arcs. As it stands, there's a bit of a disconnect (for me). There's a hint in your 250 that she may be the court transcriber, but I'd appreciate that info in the query, for clarity. Very cool concept, though!<br /><br />Your first 250 are very engaging. Two typos: Crown Attorney needs a capital "A" (as far as I know) and Police needs an "l." <br /><br />Good Luck!<br />Jennie (post #74)jenniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07636088542855575230noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-80298284828724059782013-01-28T18:22:25.038-05:002013-01-28T18:22:25.038-05:00I really like where this begins. The way you write...I really like where this begins. The way you write her, I can already tell I'm going to like Mrs. Singh and be rooting for her (and your MC too). A simple change in your query's second paragraph could fix the issue of timing, i.e. if you begin it with "When".<br /><br /><br />Best of luck!<br /><br />(I'm number 81)Rachael Slatehttp://www.rachaelslate.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-89946304578337523752013-01-28T17:14:16.753-05:002013-01-28T17:14:16.753-05:00I think my only disconnect with this is the query ...I think my only disconnect with this is the query sets the story to start at a very different point than the story does start at. From the query it seems like you'll be starting well after her husband had the stroke, yet from the bit I read it's clear you're starting the story earlier, at the point of the stroke. I think a question you might want to ask yourself is where you *ought* to start the story: where the query seems to indicate it should start (clearly for the story arc and her growth the time after the stroke is key) or where you are starting it. If the latter is the case, you might want to change the query so it reflects more of the story you do have. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03752960509531447848noreply@blogger.com