tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post3763594765060023946..comments2024-03-20T07:22:57.464-04:00Comments on Cupid's Literary Connection: Team CupidsLC #1 - BEHIND THE SCENESCUPIDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01726782711068858241noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-36184859740347975922012-05-22T23:25:44.156-04:002012-05-22T23:25:44.156-04:00Thank you so much for taking the time to comment! ...Thank you so much for taking the time to comment! That line in the query was actually a TWV recommendation and wasn't in the original, so I'm happy to remove it. As for the first page, you're definitely not the only one who's not crazy about the first line--I just couldn't figure out how to change it! But the questions you raise in the next paragraph (the answer is yes, it does have to do with her sick dad, although I definitely don't explain that early enough) are definitely giving me revision ideas. Thanks again!Dahlia Adlerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02265012593385220677noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-55827412331765878422012-05-22T10:23:47.019-04:002012-05-22T10:23:47.019-04:00#1 BEHIND THE SCENES
Query:
Nice query! You’ve g...#1 BEHIND THE SCENES<br /><br />Query:<br /><br />Nice query! You’ve got a strong hook for a contemporary with the Hollywood stuff, and Ally seems like a really sympathetic heroine. The only sentence that threw me a little was “But dating a star…best friends with one” for a couple of reasons—1) it wasn’t clear to me that “getting to know” Liam meant Ally was dating him, and 2) the star she’s dating and the one she’s been best friends with are different people. I actually think you could cut that whole sentence and just say “But when the actors’ publicist…” – And maybe to make things really clear, use Liam’s name again instead of he in “after he and Ally share their first kiss.”<br /><br />First page:<br /><br />Overall I really like this page—the dialogue is snappy and believable for high school kids, and you get the situation with Vanessa across through the details rather than spelling out for us that she’s a super-successful teen actress. Something about the first line isn’t sitting right with me grammatically though; I think it’s the nonparallel structure of the three items on the list. I’m not sure “insistent” and “intrusive” are different enough that they both need to be there, anyway. Maybe you can you just drop “intrusive”?<br /><br />The only thing I’m left wondering is why Ally keeps her phone on in class at all if she’s so serious, but maybe it has something to do with her sick dad. Or maybe she just forgot today. I’d assume that that gets explained in the next page or two.Tara Dairmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02553180762608936696noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-44923092606995794342012-05-21T11:16:05.164-04:002012-05-21T11:16:05.164-04:00I vote for you!I vote for you!Andrea Sombergnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-63497174858412429412012-05-20T16:40:16.566-04:002012-05-20T16:40:16.566-04:00Ohhhhh, I'm just in love with this. Love the i...Ohhhhh, I'm just in love with this. Love the idea, love the voice, love the DRAMA! So excited for you and proud to be on your team! <3Leigh Annhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15827971896088856057noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-52625733986833827362012-05-19T17:09:01.658-04:002012-05-19T17:09:01.658-04:00I am such a fan of this. I teach in a North Shore ...I am such a fan of this. I teach in a North Shore suburb of Chicago - my students would LOVE to read this....I would love to read this! This is a book they'd devour in a weekend and come back asking for more written by the author. Good luck to you! Can't wait to see how many requests you receive!Kimberly Gabrielhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05588782441929008886noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-55351083510922999792012-05-19T13:09:09.692-04:002012-05-19T13:09:09.692-04:00Nice! I love contemporary YA and this sounds like ...Nice! I love contemporary YA and this sounds like it would be a super fun read! Good luck!Noelle Henryhttp://noellehenry.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-41216028756219223142012-05-19T00:55:12.156-04:002012-05-19T00:55:12.156-04:00Interesting concept. I wanted to answer her phone...Interesting concept. I wanted to answer her phone for her in your opening! I think my palms were itching. ;)<br /><br />Good luck!TYHatchhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00654651712633828288noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-51943140957076503902012-05-18T23:50:25.886-04:002012-05-18T23:50:25.886-04:00I'm intrigued by the concept and the writing i...I'm intrigued by the concept and the writing is great. Very well done!Lisa K.https://www.blogger.com/profile/00379245068324225101noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-38191938279546435112012-05-18T16:31:16.423-04:002012-05-18T16:31:16.423-04:00I love the idea of being the teenaged friend of a ...I love the idea of being the teenaged friend of a star and how you would deal with that. Good story, good luck!April Wallhttp://aewelch.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-85690560242459458992012-05-18T15:55:40.392-04:002012-05-18T15:55:40.392-04:00Such a cool concept! Good luck!Such a cool concept! Good luck!Sarah Hensonhttp://wordencounters.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-60155961992258903422012-05-18T14:00:28.793-04:002012-05-18T14:00:28.793-04:00Great premise, great hook - it sounds like such a ...Great premise, great hook - it sounds like such a fun read!Becca C.http://beccaweston.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-988647786232178142012-05-18T13:43:18.221-04:002012-05-18T13:43:18.221-04:00This is some fun summer reading right here! I can...This is some fun summer reading right here! I can picture all my teens grabbing a copy and heading to the beach!Jennie Baileyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02088195986628533511noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-28880875855717680092012-05-18T13:41:25.829-04:002012-05-18T13:41:25.829-04:00Love this idea!! Good stuff here ;o)Love this idea!! Good stuff here ;o)erica m. chapmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14773306703153110737noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-89464147552437632472012-05-18T02:03:35.129-04:002012-05-18T02:03:35.129-04:00Loving all these contemporary YAs floating around....Loving all these contemporary YAs floating around. Good luck!tlbodinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08334888426768433724noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-90861697240738116402012-05-18T00:10:27.082-04:002012-05-18T00:10:27.082-04:00Some love for my fellow contemp! Query and sample ...Some love for my fellow contemp! Query and sample are looking great my friend! I love all the pop culture refs and the commercial appeal of this. A fun read I would love to pick up one day! <br /><br />Good luck to you :)Valeriehttp://www.valerie-cole.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-37375112593551125362012-05-17T23:05:22.765-04:002012-05-17T23:05:22.765-04:00Definitely some awesomeness going on here. I love ...Definitely some awesomeness going on here. I love this idea and the writing is great too!!Cortney Pearsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00774060537148628453noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-24166641931316168672012-05-17T20:59:14.048-04:002012-05-17T20:59:14.048-04:00Love the query - great work! And the voice in the ...Love the query - great work! And the voice in the first page definitely makes me want to turn the page to see what happens next! Sounds so fun!MarcyKatehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08303670174583471227noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-56753753249692796332012-05-17T19:18:21.440-04:002012-05-17T19:18:21.440-04:00This isn't the kind of book I'd usually re...This isn't the kind of book I'd usually read, but your query totally makes me want to know what happens, and your excerpt instantly gets me rooting for Ally. So, yeah -- let me know when I can buy this!Ann Bradenhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06948850218207863022noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-52509553369612042692012-05-17T16:34:57.164-04:002012-05-17T16:34:57.164-04:00I don't think I said it before, but love your ...I don't think I said it before, but love your title too. Can't wait to find out who she choses or if she ends up getting it all in the end. Good job!Suzihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16502606950280751205noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-85687833415317106362012-05-17T14:41:37.025-04:002012-05-17T14:41:37.025-04:00I know I sound like a broken record, but you'r...I know I sound like a broken record, but you're brilliant... and this story has me thrilled for more. Splendid work!KelsNotChelshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08589509934771708353noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-3442794599718357502012-05-17T12:16:45.963-04:002012-05-17T12:16:45.963-04:00Awesome!!! Just like poor Nate Donovan I am obviou...Awesome!!! Just like poor Nate Donovan I am obviously intrigued. I'm a sucker for a smart girl who gets in over her head. Good luck to you!!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14710831428164347510noreply@blogger.com