tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post5102346426585439156..comments2024-03-20T07:22:57.464-04:00Comments on Cupid's Literary Connection: Bouncer Post #43CUPIDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01726782711068858241noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-59130148975638926422013-01-24T20:09:39.647-05:002013-01-24T20:09:39.647-05:00Congrats! And thanks for all the feedback on my (a...Congrats! And thanks for all the feedback on my (and others') entries.Sarah Hipplehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09127310898615441853noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-61843649551756955652013-01-24T13:58:51.732-05:002013-01-24T13:58:51.732-05:00Congrats! I KNEW you were in on Monday when i fir...Congrats! I KNEW you were in on Monday when i first read this. You have some great stuff here. Someday I hope to read this to my son! Anneka @ Anniesays-Anniedoeshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11551794044645003332noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-12938417421666083612013-01-23T22:55:44.266-05:002013-01-23T22:55:44.266-05:00Congratulations, Copernicus!
I wanted to let you ...Congratulations, Copernicus! <br />I wanted to let you know how much I appreciate all of the time and effort you put into critiquing other entries! Thank you and good luck in the next round!!!!<br />-twinkieseedSeedlinghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02202001725263289447noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-56989780570969235102013-01-23T22:09:54.128-05:002013-01-23T22:09:54.128-05:00Bouncer Starfruit!!
Thank you so much! My wife wa...Bouncer Starfruit!!<br /><br />Thank you so much! My wife was absolutely dumbfounded when I shouted "I'm in!!" while typing away on my laptop. She must have thought I was hacking into a government facility or something (as if I was a member of C.O.R.E lol).<br /><br />What you said about the clamor for boy books has gotten me even more excited. It's what I was really hoping for as I'm really trying to create a story that could connect with them. And older nerds like me of course.<br /><br />As for your nitpicks, I love nitpicks. And I agree with you that it sounds even stronger the way you worded it. Consider it changed.<br /><br />Thanks again, and my thanks for everyone else's critique. You all deserve another round of applause regardless of whether or not you make it into the next round.<br /><br />Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03926485525082822436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-8237252479773139902013-01-23T21:42:29.225-05:002013-01-23T21:42:29.225-05:00You've already got some great feedback, so I d...You've already got some great feedback, so I don't have a lot to add aside from "YOU'RE IN!" :D<br /><br />You have a fantastic title, excellent hook, and your query reeled me right in. Well played, you, well played.<br /><br />The first 250 totally live up to the promise of the query - this sounds like a really fun read and just the sort of "boy" book I hear people are clamoring for. As long as the rest of the manuscript holds up, I could see this getting snapped up fast.<br /><br />I don't have much in the way of nitpicks (because really this is very well done) but there was one place that stuck out to me that could be tightened: "I had a sickening feeling lurking in my gut" would be a little stronger (to me) as "a sickening feeling lurked in my gut". Otherwise, I loved this! Great job!<br /><br />Bouncer Starfruitnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-37119511059629811402013-01-23T20:00:40.015-05:002013-01-23T20:00:40.015-05:00Bill - I really appreciate everything you said. It...Bill - I really appreciate everything you said. It means more than you know. We all work incredibly hard on our stories, and after all this is what we are all passionately attempting to accomplish. Each one of us signed up for this contest deserves a round of applause. After all, not many people can say they wrote a novel that they want to share with the world. <br /><br />While I thank you for your kind words, I'm far from a master. I find myself to still be a young apprentice. Every day I'm learning something new and developing my skills. The same can be said for each of us. It's an ongoing process and every one us gets better by the day, as long as we keep at it.<br /><br />Thanks again!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03926485525082822436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-9796546004244838702013-01-23T19:55:47.040-05:002013-01-23T19:55:47.040-05:00Thanks so much!Thanks so much!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03926485525082822436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-59524341216380743082013-01-23T18:31:57.419-05:002013-01-23T18:31:57.419-05:00Fantastic first 250! I can see this being a huge h...Fantastic first 250! I can see this being a huge hit with MG readers (and those who are MG at heart too). I noticed how insightful your comments were to some of the other entries and I know everyone appreciates it. After reading your query and your first 250 it is clear you are a master of your craft. Best of luck (thought I feel you have created your own luck with your excellent story).Bill #66noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-53311298819071985902013-01-23T09:25:19.403-05:002013-01-23T09:25:19.403-05:00Oh my gosh- yes!! Query Purgatory: Perpetual self ...Oh my gosh- yes!! Query Purgatory: Perpetual self doubt, bordering on total madness. :) Rinahttp://www.rinaheisel.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-58336492919883848332013-01-23T07:44:41.605-05:002013-01-23T07:44:41.605-05:00This is awesome. I'd read this :)This is awesome. I'd read this :)Sam F.https://www.blogger.com/profile/04034367402431479011noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-60002811207982396042013-01-22T21:44:01.984-05:002013-01-22T21:44:01.984-05:00Thanks for the critique! I honestly thought about ...Thanks for the critique! I honestly thought about the same thing you did, in terms of starting with the tournament room. I too was a bit nervous starting with the dialogue. I'm going to mess around with it a bit and see what I can come up with.<br /><br />The keep it together dialogue was meant to be as a mutter. I'll try messing with the dialogue tag. <br /><br />This is why I love the bouncer round! You get so blinded with your own work, it's little things like this that stand out once someone mentions it. <br /><br />Thanks! Glad you liked it!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03926485525082822436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-35347640889177369242013-01-22T21:33:53.637-05:002013-01-22T21:33:53.637-05:00I love your concept! Battling robots sounds like s...I love your concept! Battling robots sounds like so much fun and I think it makes for a great MG story!<br /><br />I like your first 250, but I think starting with dialogue is risky. In this case I think it confuses the reader as to what the opening situation is. I'd get rid of both lines and start with "The tournament room..." I think this immediately puts you in the setting of the competition and the comparison to a nuclear reactor is great.<br /><br />The other bit I struggle with was the "Keep it together" dialogue. This felt more like internal thoughts or something he'd mutter under his breath. Otherwise it sounds like someone is talking to him.<br /><br />Other than those two minor nitpicks I love this and think it is a super fun MG adventure that kids will love. I'd continue reading on.Jamie Krakoverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16808802721340647047noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-6391967010605771102013-01-22T20:16:33.621-05:002013-01-22T20:16:33.621-05:00Thank you! I can't stress enough how hard it i...Thank you! I can't stress enough how hard it is for any writer to get voice down. I feel like it's a constant work in progress. Still trying to improve it every step of the way. But I'm glad you're hooked already!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03926485525082822436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-23060436984990386852013-01-22T20:15:25.074-05:002013-01-22T20:15:25.074-05:00Thank you so much! I hope one day you're son w...Thank you so much! I hope one day you're son will pick it up off the book shelf. *fingers crossed*Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03926485525082822436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-33817892967457453392013-01-22T16:36:28.730-05:002013-01-22T16:36:28.730-05:00Too. Much. Fun! Your query completely captivated m...Too. Much. Fun! Your query completely captivated me, each line hooking me more. Any pesky things I noticed have been covered by earlier posts, so I'll just wish you the best of luck. Your voice is fantastic!Bonnie Staringhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15617661715759556106noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-59962473632620746132013-01-22T15:59:27.125-05:002013-01-22T15:59:27.125-05:00Oh man, this is so freaking awesome! My son is onl...Oh man, this is so freaking awesome! My son is only three right now, but I imagine this will be the kind of book I'd seek out as a mom: clever, fresh, unique and a great voice that's very spot-on. Love your query and the first 250. Good luck and thanks again for all of your awesome critiques as well. ~#68.Larahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10569956870292431661noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-67108168859423701752013-01-22T11:51:42.544-05:002013-01-22T11:51:42.544-05:00I'm glad you think it was a fun read so far! I...I'm glad you think it was a fun read so far! I had a hell of a time writing it (Lots of laughs, and lots of banging my head on my desk). <br /><br />I'm also ecstatic to see everyone is enjoying the voice so far. It's something I worked on for a long time, so I'm glad I'm making strides.<br /><br />Don't you love the query letter btw? Someone should write a short story about a novelist forced to write query letters for all eternity. A perverse version of Dante's inferno.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03926485525082822436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-31847680440626369942013-01-22T10:51:08.446-05:002013-01-22T10:51:08.446-05:00Wow, a fun read! I think you've done an awesom...Wow, a fun read! I think you've done an awesome job with your MC's voice. And your language is great, love the idea of C.O.R.E. and battle-bots. I agree with the query discussion above, and yes, I think I'm on query version 27 myself. :) <br /><br />The setting in your first 250 was very clear to me. The combatant platform and tournament room sound like great places for some serious tension. Best of luck with this! And thank you for the comments on my entry, too. #48 Rinahttp://www.rinaheisel.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-48016479137270403982013-01-21T21:49:43.002-05:002013-01-21T21:49:43.002-05:00Thanks for the tips Twinkie! I'm touching up m...Thanks for the tips Twinkie! I'm touching up my query as we speak (this will be version..I dunno...#17?) Thanks to the advice here, it's already sounding better. Hopefully it'll bump my "material request" % up lol.<br /><br />Glad you enjoyed it otherwise, and good luck to you too!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03926485525082822436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-21571974231477957662013-01-21T21:39:07.896-05:002013-01-21T21:39:07.896-05:00Hi Copernicus,
I enjoyed your query and 250! You ...Hi Copernicus,<br /><br />I enjoyed your query and 250! You really do a great job with voice. It sounds like a fun book!<br /><br />In the last paragraph of your query, you write, "find proof of Zorn’s involvement before his inventions..." You had been calling him Eugene's father in the previous paragraphs. I'd stay consistent and stick with Eugene's father since you do have two Zorns in the query. And I agree with Heather on making the setting clearer.<br /><br />Good luck from #40!twinkieseednoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-84342939626355336492013-01-21T20:22:53.399-05:002013-01-21T20:22:53.399-05:00Ha! Yeah, MG allows me to tap into my "crazy&...Ha! Yeah, MG allows me to tap into my "crazy" side a bit. Not to mention I still act like a complete child according to my wife lol. So MG is the way to go. I write YA too, but there's something about re-living my golden years of 12-13 that makes it too hard to pass up. <br /><br />Anyway - Glad you liked it :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03926485525082822436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-15327873907497835812013-01-21T19:55:46.932-05:002013-01-21T19:55:46.932-05:00OMG! I love this! God! I should be reading the YA ...OMG! I love this! God! I should be reading the YA entries considering I'm 19, but all you MG writers are just so awesome fun! Gah! This was really fun and I liked it!<br /><br />Good luck!Ariannahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13789634822460490560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-23031012452877075322013-01-21T18:48:51.936-05:002013-01-21T18:48:51.936-05:00Thanks Amy! I think we're both in the same boa...Thanks Amy! I think we're both in the same boat in terms of targeting that reluctant reader base. Here's a toast to both of us! :)Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03926485525082822436noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-44744102454771508512013-01-21T18:12:43.090-05:002013-01-21T18:12:43.090-05:00Copernicus, this sounds really fun! Super MG-Boy ...Copernicus, this sounds really fun! Super MG-Boy friendly, with a strong voice. I do agree with Heather's comment about the setting, though it sounds like it all becomes clear in the first chapter. I also agree with your response to her that putting Science Fiction in your genre category would clarify up front a great deal. Really well done! And I love the name you've chosen for your main character. -AmyAmy Bearcehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12517680487853494630noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-51333314032430042952013-01-21T16:45:00.306-05:002013-01-21T16:45:00.306-05:00Thank you! Glad you love the voice, it's the h...Thank you! Glad you love the voice, it's the hardest thing to quantify. I always see myself touching it up to really bring Nic to life. Poor kid, he's turning more into me when I was 13 lol.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03926485525082822436noreply@blogger.com