tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post5704058785125360830..comments2024-03-20T07:22:57.464-04:00Comments on Cupid's Literary Connection: Bouncer Post #93CUPIDhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01726782711068858241noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-21782855820845938282013-01-30T01:37:31.893-05:002013-01-30T01:37:31.893-05:00Thank you, Bouncer Resolution!!!
Thank you, everyo...Thank you, Bouncer Resolution!!!<br />Thank you, everyone, for your comments. I did make the change that Amber recommended. I have gone back and forth on using another title for this one or maybe I need to make the meaning of the title clearer in the query.<br />Thanks again!Jenninoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-81938109924271684612013-01-29T18:56:52.474-05:002013-01-29T18:56:52.474-05:00And I don't know what your title means.And I don't know what your title means.Resolutionnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-4837924121816313542013-01-29T18:19:01.292-05:002013-01-29T18:19:01.292-05:00You're in! I put this through because the quer...You're in! I put this through because the query has a clear goal, motivation, and conflict, the heroine is sympathetic, and the writing is strong.<br /><br />I think Amber makes a good point about Henri being Fortunée's only hope. And Suja points out that the sample is "quiet." Do you really want the first 250 words an agent or editor sees to be quiet? The query promises lots of action.<br /><br />Best of luck with this!Resolutionnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-90670287220134658272013-01-28T21:53:45.764-05:002013-01-28T21:53:45.764-05:00I agree with the earlier comments. The query is st...I agree with the earlier comments. The query is strong and clear, and the 250, though quiet, gives us a good place to start. And it gives me a clear picture of the MC. I'd love to read this book. Best of luck!<br /><br />#72 Sujahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16899054126546663789noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-58017623761482371932013-01-28T17:37:40.838-05:002013-01-28T17:37:40.838-05:00I love a lot about this. I like the historical set...I love a lot about this. I like the historical setting mixed with magic and I really like that Fortunee sounds like she can hold her own based on the query letter.<br /><br />I think there are a few things that could make this stronger though. <br /><br />In the query letter, you mention that Henri is "the only hope to finding her father and protecting her family" but then he gets turned into a flower. I thought this was a bit confusing because if he is her only hope and then he is gone, then he wasn't really her only hope. I think you could just rephrased that to say something like "Fortunee thinks that Henri is her only hope..." and then something like "but when he is turned into a flower, she has to find the courage to try on her own..." though in better words. It'll make it a little less confusing, at least for me.<br /><br />Also, in the first 250, I stumbled over "...a picture in my mind: his eyes bright with being among the plants". It's the "with being" here that feels awkward to me. Maybe you could tweak it to "his eyes shining bright among the plants" or something along that lines? <br /><br />Otherwise, I really think this is strong and I'd keep reading! France, Louis XIV and faeries are definitely up my alley.<br /><br />-Amber (#102) Amberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04803751424984029342noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-87651200856820219492013-01-28T15:11:30.511-05:002013-01-28T15:11:30.511-05:00I don't have anything to critique, I just want...I don't have anything to critique, I just wanted to chime in that I think your query sounds interesting and the first 250 flowed well. Good luck! I don't typically read YA, but I would definitely read this. (I'm #91 btw, if you wanted to take a look.) Virginia Piercehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11588698042858650140noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3349220550249399644.post-41299034281010246792013-01-28T05:02:18.546-05:002013-01-28T05:02:18.546-05:00Sounds great!Sounds great!Alicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10588955773100813799noreply@blogger.com