Thursday, May 17, 2012

Team CupidsLC #2 - DAZE AND KNIGHTS

Title: DAZE AND KNIGHTS
Genre: YA Romance
Word Count: 97,000


Query:

Sixteen-year-old Jessica Jacobs is a super spy, a famous actress, and a princess.

Okay, not really. But she likes to daydream she’s all of those things and more. So when Jessica finds herself in a strange forest with a medieval knight aiming his sword at her throat, she thinks it’s just another daydream. Until she realizes that, 1) dude is actually causing her neck to bleed, 2) she never would have daydreamed herself into such a hideous dress, and 3) Zac Efron is nowhere in sight.
With no clue how to get home, Jessica has only one option: ride out her time in Crazy Medieval Land, even if that means working for the Count’s horrible daughter and doing her best to avoid Lord Purvis’s wandering hands.

It sucks being the peon instead of the princess.
With whispers of a peasant revolt and Lord Pervy getting skeevier by the second, Jessica refuses to be a damsel in distress. She decides to learn sword fighting from Lord Alric, aka, knight-in-sexylicious-armor. Somewhere amidst the grueling hours of training, she falls for his chivalry and playful smile. Now Jessica must decide whether to keep fighting her way back to her family (and flushable toilets), or stay in a strange world for a chance at the kind of love found only in fairy tales.

Happily ever after was so much easier in her daydreams.
First 250:

He was supposed to be my knight in shining armor. I glared at Blake Chapman around my locker door, wishing I could yank his shaggy blond hair out by the roots. Never mind that I used to daydream about running my hands through it, curling it around my fingers, and then pulling his face in for a kiss that would sweep me off my feet.

Daydreaming about Blake Chapman had been my national pastime for the last three years. His soccer-stud physique and cocky smile were enough to make me woozy. In a good way.

Too bad our one—and definitely only—date was just a scam. His reason for going out with me in the first place? And I quote,

“Hey, you think your friend Dani would go for me? She’s smokin’ hot.”

Ugh. So much for Prince Charming.

When I wouldn’t dish the dirt on Dani, pay for dinner, or give him any (in that order), he dumped me on the side of the road, four blocks from my house. Now he makes me woozy in an I-want-to-vomit kind of way.

Blake grabbed his backpack and headed down the hallway toward Algebra, oblivious of both me and my glare. I slammed my locker door shut and followed. Staring at the back of his head, I imagined lightning bolts shooting from my eyes and frying that perfect blond hair. I could almost hear the sizzle.

23 comments:

  1. So cute! So funny! Your writing is superb and incredibly visual and I'm there in that scene with her... hiding behind the locker. *does happy dance for you because this rocks so hard*

    ReplyDelete
  2. Love this so much. It's so easy to connect with Jessica. Yay Daze and Knights!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I don't know if I ever said before, but I love historical fiction. Although I don't read much of it. But this time period is so fascinating, and I can't wait to read it too. Great job!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Your writing is so fun. And I'm always a fan of a girl determined not to be a damsel-in-distress! Even if she's tempted by a knight-in-sexylicious-armor :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Just love this query - you've done such a great job ironing out the kinks (not that there were many!) and your first page is just fantastic! Well done!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Still in LOVE with this whole premise, definitely swoon-worthy and I so want to read it! :D

    ReplyDelete
  7. I love this. This is one of my favoritest things in the contest and I think you have really great things in your future :D

    ReplyDelete
  8. I love a good fairy tale. This line in the query made me laugh out loud: she never would have daydreamed herself into such a hideous dress. So. Brilliant.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Love the fabulous sense of imagination already present in the MC with that excerpt!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Great job and love your word choice, i.e. Lord Pervy getting skeevier by the second. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Great opening!! You set-up some great stuff nicely in this ;o)

    ReplyDelete
  12. I'm completely hooked at this line. "or stay in a strange world for a chance at the kind of love found only in fairy tales."

    I don't usually swoon but...

    ReplyDelete
  13. The second sentence of this excerpt made me laugh right out loud. Fabulous!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I really enjoyed the voice in your excerpt. Fun and witty. This girl rocks.

    Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  15. I loved the voice in both your query and your sample, and the title's really good! Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Romance and time-travel? I'm there! You've got a great voice and this totally promises to be a great read. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Fabulous voice from the first line in your query to the end of your opening scene. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I've loved this story since the first time I saw it! So glad it's in the contest - SO proud to be on your team! <3

    ReplyDelete
  19. Connecticut Yankee meets Timeline with a dash of Knights Tale. This is one contemporary historical mash-up I'd read in a heartbeat! Best luck, this story sounds like SUCH a good time!

    ReplyDelete
  20. I vote for you! Looking forward to your pages.

    ReplyDelete
  21. #2 DAZE AND KNIGHTS

    Query:

    Ha! Your voice REALLY comes through in this query—that’s excellent. I can totally anticipate the tone of the novel (and I love it). I really only have nitpicks: You can lose the comma between “that” and “1) dude…” and the one after “aka.”

    Yup, that’s all I’ve got.

    First page:

    Again, I really like the voice. You’ve got some great lines in here, like “Now he makes me woozy in an I-want-to-vomit kind of way.” =)
    That said, about half this page is flashback, and I’m not sure that’s the most effective way to start off your novel. The reader usually wants to stay in the present for at least a page or two before being whisked off into a memory. And based on your query, I don’t think that Blake will be an important character in this story, so I’m not sure that he needs all this focus on the first page. I’d certainly keep reading because I like your writing and the story sounds fun, but I might keep an eye out for a different potential opening scene.

    ReplyDelete