Monday, May 20, 2013

The Writer's Voice #2 - CHICK MAGNET (YA)

Title: CHICK MAGNET
Genre: YA Magical Realism
Word Count: 98,000

Query:

JD Marshall has a power most guys would trade their left nut for. With one hypnotizing look, he can get a girl to do whatever he wants, whenever he wants. And for three years he’s racked up more scores than Brett Favre. But his power’s not a blessing.

It’s a curse.

A curse a witch put on him three years ago. A curse he’s got four months to break or lose any chance of ever having a real relationship. The only way to break it—learn to love and be loved. Like that’s going to happen. JD needs to focus on quarterbacking his team to the state finals. He needs to pass freaking English. And he needs to quit thinking about Susan Milton. She’s taken. She’s forbidden. Worse—she seems to be the only one immune to his power.

But JD can’t get away from her. The principal (aka Mom) arranges tutoring with Susan to save a shaky English grade. But when football botches the after-school sessions, the “tutoring” with Susan continues over late night phone calls. JD discovers he'll have to do a little more than just look at a girl to charm the skirt off her. And he finds that underneath that tight little body lies a pretty screwed up past, one that parallels his own.

What blooms is a relationship JD can’t tell anyone about—not even his best friend. Because Susan—the one he wants, the one he can’t avoid, the one who could break the curse—just happens to be his hot new English teacher.


First 250:

Getting with Susan Milton should be the last thing on my mind.

I should be thinking about Northeast and their defensive line, the one that racks up eight QB sacks a game. I should be running through Coach’s five new plays—the ones the Panthers won’t see on the scouting tapes. I should think about how David and I are going to get a keg for the beach after the game. Or how if I don’t play the game of my life, we won’t even need one.

Maybe I should focus on my senior project.

Or the Pre-Calc test I have in thirty minutes.

But I just can’t get my mind off her.

Ever since she walked into English on the first day of school, I haven’t been able to focus on much else. And not just because Susan Milton’s the hottest chick I’ve ever seen. I mean, she is: tight little body, sexy smile, shiny blond hair that smells like the flowers in my backyard. She has a habit of wearing these low cut tops, and if she bends over just right, I almost get a free show. And God, her voice. The way she recites poetry, it’s like she’s singing—just to me. I used to hate English. Now I hate the wait until third period for my new favorite class.

But Susan Milton is forbidden. Off limits. I can’t have her.

And unfortunately I can get practically anybody.

19 comments:

  1. Oh, I LOVE this twist! Wonderful concept. I still want to know how this ends! :D GO TEAM!

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  2. Great twist! Love your voice! Excellent query!

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  3. This just drips in voice! And I LOVE IT! woohooooo!!!

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  4. Such an interesting concept! Good luck!

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  5. Whoa, talk about a cool premise! Love it :) This sounds like a great read. Good luck!

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  6. This premise is just awesome and the voice is amazing! I *really* want to read this!! Good luck!

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  7. The premise is awesome. Usually this isn't a book I'd read when I look at the first 250 words (Football talk, yeah, no) but the story behind it has me hooked. Hope to read more of this.

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  8. Awesome query, pulls me right in and the voice is equally as spectacular! Great job and good luck!

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  9. That.

    Voice.

    Just.

    THAT VOICE.

    I'd say good luck, but I think your voice and concept are strong enough that this story easily stands on its own. If this entry doesn't get any votes I will eat my hat.

    I'll be keeping an eye on this one to see where it goes ;)

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  10. Yay, Alison! I'm rooting for you, friend! (And for the record, the whole of CHICK MAGNET is just as amazing as the first 250 words.)

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  11. The voice in the first 250 is amazing (and I know for a fact it stays amazing the entire book)! It´s one of those books you simply cannot put down! Crossing my fingers for you Alison <3

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  12. I love the premise of this one! Beauty and the Beast with an extreme twist, plus forbidden love? I'd really like to read this one - wishing you tons of luck!

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  13. Wow. Just, wow. Want to read this so bad!!! Good luck!! :)

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  14. Ammi-Joan PaquetteMay 23, 2013 at 9:25 AM

    Terrific voice and super-smooth writing. Love it and want more!

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  15. Like everyone else here, I can't get enough of the voice in your query and first 250. Plus, the story premise sounds fantastic. Good luck!! :-)

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  16. Love the concept here, and would love to see this.

    Monika

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  17. This entry was privately swiped by ninja Laura Bradford! Congrats!!

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  18. This entry was privately swiped by ninja Julia A. Weber!!! Congrats!!

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