Blind Speed Dating #37 (A)

Title: INCOGNOLIO

Genre: Psychological Thriller

Word Count: 53,000

Query:

He starts with just a title—Incognolio. Determined to exorcise his inner demons, Muldoon embarks on a new novel by giving his subconscious mind free rein. But the bizarre fictional world he enters embroils him in a series of adventures that plunge him into ever-deepening anguish. Soon he can't tell whether he's writing a story in which his stillborn twin sister has come to life, or he is the one who died at birth and it's his sister who is writing the novel. As he blunders his way through the bewildering maze of this twisted tale, Muldoon must unravel the mystery of Incognolio, or die trying.

As you can see, this novel is nearly impossible to summarize. That's because the plotline is circuitous, following subterranean channels that often defy logic. Far more important than the intricacies of the plot is the way the story is told, which is designed to produce hilarity and astonishment, and to induce an altered consciousness of reality.

First 250:

CHAPTER WON

Churn the Weasel

Without a killer opening line you’re screwed, let’s face it, since the tone and promise of the entire story depend on this sentence, add to that the fact most readers these days have the attention span of a hummingbird on crack, so unless you start things off with a bang you’re dead in the water, especially if you’re going to insist on resorting to worn-out clichés like dead in the water and worn-out clichés, relying on humor and wit to distract the reader from your second-rate prose.

Prose, let’s be honest, that remains mediocre despite years of practice, the narrative rhythm out of sync, the sense of composition askew, the sentences droning on and on ad nauseam—a phrase so overused it makes you want to puke—something with which you’ve had all too much experience lately, drinking most nights to the point of vomitous discharge.

And the concussion surely didn’t help.

The run-on sentences are a symptom of your brain injury, as are the deficits in planning, organization, and decision making, leaving you wondering whether you can even execute a coherent novel, since you’re now incapable of constructing what most people expect from a plot, so the best you can do is make up the story as you go along, placing your trust in your pinwheeling subconscious mind.