Monday, January 28, 2013

Bouncer Post #94

Title: Free Agent
Genre: Adult Urban Fantasy
Word Count:89,000


Working as an agent for the Fairy Godfather isn't Marissa Lock's job, it's her life.  He calls her Goldilocks, because she gets things done just right.  The last prince to call her “handmaiden” is still picking up his teeth, and if her mother called her at all, it’d be a miracle.

More than anything, Marissa longs to be free.  Free to return to her family.  Free to find someone she can love.  Free to lock the princess she's stuck with in a chest freezer.  The key to her freedom is work, paying off her contract with the Fairy Godfather.

Setting up a second rate princess with a first class jerk is just another job, until the prince goes missing.  Evidence points to the Fae, and the authorities will go to war to return him.  The Fae believe someone in Kingdom stole their Realm Seal.  They’ll flatten the city to find it.

If the Fae destroy the city, it’s going to put a serious dent in Fairy Godfather’s profits.  If Marissa doesn’t return her son, the Queen will make certain she never sees her family again.

Then Marissa meets the new Fairy Godmother in town, one who threatens Marissa with wishes of her own.  Caught between royalty, Fae, and Fairies, Marissa must find a way to prevent a war and gain her freedom.  Along the way, she might just find a piece of that happily ever after she keeps hearing about.

First 250:

The New Year’s Eve Countdown told me I had five minutes until the ball drop.  That gave me six minutes until somebody got killed.  I spotted the shoplifter in line at the theater, and worked my way across the street, through the teeming crowd.  She had no idea what she was wearing, which made her both stupid and dangerous.  Stupid was dangerous enough by itself. 

“Marissa, I might remind you of the time,” said a man’s voice.  It came right out of the store window beside me, the dry voice with its not quite English accent.  He watched me with critical eyes. 

“I got it, Grimm.” I walked along the theater line, head down.

His image followed me, reflecting from the windows and even the brass banister knobs that held the velvet rope.  “I’ll believe that when you actually do.

Call it women’s intuition, or maybe the slippers tipped her off, but she turned and looked right at me.  Our eyes met, and she knew why I was there, if not who I was.  As the crowd surged forward, she ducked into the theater, disappearing into the throng.

“God Damsel-it.”  I spat out the faint taste of soap.  “Doesn’t count, not a real curse.”

“Watch your language, young lady.  Only proper women live happily ever after.  Now, go get those slippers back.” Grimm appeared in the ticket window, beckoning me on.

If I had enough Glitter to buy a happily ever after, I wouldn’t have spent all day chasing a thief. 


  1. Loved this in Pitch Wars and I still think it's awesome. I think you could tighten up your query a little (eliminate a couple of the middle paragraphs), but the 250 reads great.

    Good luck!

    (I'm number 81)

  2. Ooh, I really like this. Query was intriguing and the first 250 delivered. Would definitely turn the page.
    Laurie (#98)

  3. This is great! You had me at "still picking up his teeth". I'd really like to read this story, and I wish you the best in your writing career!

  4. Question about this line: If Marissa doesn’t return her son, the Queen will make certain she never sees her family again.

    I read that as Marissa has the prince. But above, I got the impression someone else took him. So I wasn't sure which it was.

    Great voice. In both the query and 250.

    Good luck!


  5. Really enjoyed this. I love the voice in the query and the first 250. No question about what kind of woman she is. Good luck!