Monday, February 13, 2012

Bouncer Post #92

Title: TRIANGLES
Genre: YA paranormal romance
Word Count: 63,000 

Query:

Stressed out seventeen-year-old Autumn Taylor embarks on a cruise to escape from her problems—a comatose mother, guilt over her father’s death, and her lovesick "stalker" Joey Destefano, the boy who's crushing on her. When Joey turns up on the ship, Autumn's sure he planned it. But things look up when she meets hot, charismatic Marcus McKenna who tempts her with a shipboard romance. For the first time in years, Autumn’s life doesn’t suck.

The mysterious Bermuda Triangle is about to change that.

When the ship enters the Triangle, Autumn finds herself thrust into a bizarre love triangle with Joey and Marcus. Each morning brings a surprise—an alternate reality where one day, Marcus is claiming they’re on vacation to celebrate one year as a couple, and the next day, Joey is Autumn’s boyfriend and declaring his undying love for her as Marcus pulls her into the shadows for a quick, forbidden kiss. As her days get stranger, her heart takes its own path, leaving her confused and unsure of who to touch, who to kiss, and who to run from.

Two guys fighting over her is just the beginning of Autumn’s troubles in the Triangle. She nearly loses it when her father, who died years ago, shows up in her cabin to chat. Waking up one morning with cancer pushes her to the edge of a mental breakdown, sending her to the ship's clinic for help. The doctor warns her that any of the alternate lives could become permanent—after all, it happened to her during her own trip through the Triangle. Autumn struggles to figure out what’s going on, but everyone on the ship, including her sister, accepts each day as if it were the norm. With no one to help her, Autumn must find a way to escape the Triangle’s torment before it claims her as its next victim.

First 250: 

If I’d known I was going to end up in my cabin with a hot guy on my bed, I would’ve worn sexier panties.

Not that I’m easy or anything, but you know, just in case he caught a glimpse. Is there anything worse than having a guy see your granny panties in the heat of the moment?

Of course, when I’d packed for my cruise to Bermuda, I had no idea how critical my choice of underwear would be. I had more immediate concerns.

Like my mom crashing in the ICU for the past six months. I didn’t think it was right to go on some wild spring break blowout while she was drugged up and tubed out. But what my sister, Jessica, said, I had to do. Because she was my “legal guardian”.

Lucky me.

So I went. With Jessica. On this humongo ship to Bermuda, a place I didn’t care to see. Hell, I didn’t even know where it was.

But it changed my life. It saved me, actually, from my worst enemy—myself.

T minus one day to departure, I met my best friend, Nisha, for lunch at Tony’s Pizzeria. I wanted to chat with her one last time just in case I didn’t make it back for some reason—like, I don’t know, a sham marriage to some rich dude.

“What’s your problem, Autumn?” she asked as my face no doubt sported a scowl.

I looked her up and down and grinned.

12 comments:

  1. You have a really fresh, fun setting. I think right after I get done reading through all the entries I'm going to go look up cruise rates. Loved the line about wearing sexier panties, too funny!

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  2. Yeah, the voice of the character is hilarious. Also, I'm a sucker for anything about the Bermuda Triangle. The whole idea that every day would bring a completely different life is interesting, and I'd love to see how you pull it off! Good luck!

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  3. Love the voice here. Your premise is intriguing, and your first 250 are well-written. Best of luck with the bouncers-- I know I, for one, would love to read this.

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  4. I don't typically read romance, but when you throw in the Bermuda Triange...heck, I'm in.

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  5. Sold me at the first line. I've loved watching you develop this!

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  6. Bouncer Bookish HandygirlFebruary 13, 2012 at 11:59 AM

    Intriguing... You're in!

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  7. I like the triangle theme being played here with Bermuda Triangle and love triangle. It makes me wonder what other mysteries are lurking in these waters.

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  8. Really liked the idea of alternate realities aboard a ship. Totally original take on the Bermuda Triangle so that got me hooked. I think your query is fantastic. The excerpt was a bit more problematic. I am nto sure I liked the immediate shifting back from the bed to before the cruise. Although, I def liked the panties line. There's a real promise of a fun ride here.

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  9. Wow. Loved this. Great setting and idea. Congrats on getting to the next round.

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  10. Thanks everyone! I'm so excited to be in!

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  11. Sounds good, one nitpicky thing though--before I read the 250 I didn't particularly like the MC going off on cruise while her mother's comatose. Then in 250 I find out she really didn't want to go, it was her sister's idea. But that is not how the first sentence of query makes it sound, to me at least. As is it makes it seem like she wants to escape her problems, which I interpreted as ditching her mother. And someone I wouldn't like for bailing on her mom. If the query mentions she is going on the cruise to please her sister, then it's a double-like for MC in my mind, she has woes AND a bossy sister. Nice writing!

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  12. What a great idea. I especially liked this sentence: As her days get stranger, her heart takes its own path, leaving her confused and unsure of who to touch, who to kiss, and who to run from.

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