Sunday, February 12, 2012

Bouncer Post #81


Title: FRACTION OF STONE
Genre: YA Fantasy
Word Count: 65,000

Query:

There is only one among the Tarmack nation with the ability to wield magic, eighteen-year-old Rydan Gale. He lives like a prince, cherished for his talent to bend the fabric of the universe to his will. In the war against the Liasam, he is their ultimate weapon.

The Liasam have their own source of magic, but Akara’s mastery of her power is rudimentary at best. With a brilliant display of fire-rain Rydan’s side wins the war and Akara is sentenced to death. If there’s only one life taken after the slaughter on the battlefield, Rydan can live with that. Until he discovers the girl has the same symbol as he, tattooed on the back of her neck. Rydan must decide whether to betray his people and save the girl, or let Akara leave the world in a burning inferno.

For if she dies, the mystery of the tattoo and answers to a past shrouded in deceit go with her.

FRACTION OF STONE is YA Fantasy told in alternating POV, complete at 65,000 words. Readers who relished in the lyrical writing of Laini Taylor’s DAUGHTER OF SMOKE AND BONE and immersed themselves in the contrasting world views of June and Day in Marie Lu’s LEGEND will find themselves drawn to this tale. 

First 250:

The chains around her wrists jingled, echoing off the stone walls, a cheery sound out of place. If she closed her eyes and moved her arms again it would be as if she were listening to a wind chime, twittering in the breeze. But the cold metal was not a wind chime. It was a tether, a leash, holding her captive in the belly of her city.
            
She could have called it her room, for it was where she slept, where she ate. The situation would seem more bleak once the drugs wore off, sending her into a depression of why she even bothered to live.
            
She had no choice, that was why. They needed her and refused to let her die. They kept her down there in an almost comatose state until it was time for her to work her magic.
            
Literally.
            
The cell swayed and whirled, like a small boat in the ocean. A state she was so used to it felt more real than normal. She never smiled. That had been stolen long ago. But if she did it would be in this dreamlike existence.
           
Scraping of the heavy wooden door down the hall caused her head to float up, searching for the person among the sea of swirling colors. The large blur was who she expected and though she knew she should feel something, she was unable to summon emotion.
            
“It is time again, girl. Your people need you.”

22 comments:

  1. I love your first 250. It's so intense and there are some awesome and fantabulous descriptions! Totally in the cell with her :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love this one more and more each time I read it. And the first 250 are nicely done!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ooo, that's very good. Thanks for commenting Jen!

      Delete
  3. I already love Rydan and Akara based on the query alone. And your first 250 is awesome. I want to read more.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Reading more is good! Very good :) Thanks for popping by Ilima!

      Delete
  4. Go Kelley - I'm loving reading your MS, I'm totally swooning for Rydan. And no, Cassie can't have him :) lol

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Haha. You too are gonna have to take that out back...which might be kinda hard because this is the internet. But I'm sure we'll figure something out ;)

      Delete
  5. Wonderfully done Kelley! This is an amazing story :) Your words paint a beautifully vivid picture, perfect!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Kelley, I'm in love with your characters:) So good!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Deana! And Congrats on making it to the agents! Your story sounds fantastic. Can't wait to see how it does!!

      Delete
  7. You create such an amazing visual with the first 250 words I feel like I'm watching the scene unfold. Love it :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's good we're just watching though, right? :) I wouldn't actually want to be her.

      Congrats on making it to the next round Theresa!! Can't wait to see all the agents eat yours up! :)

      Delete
  8. I love your query and the first 250. My one thought I had while reading it was that I wanted to know her name (I know what is was from the query, but I would like it in the first 250) Just a thought. Great job Kelley :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for the comment Angie. You're not alone with this thought. Her name is revealed within the next 200 words or so. Since she's in the drugged state I reveal her name when she comes out of the drugged state, sort of to help with the change in mind. I will read it over again.

      But it doesn't hurt to want to know...even if I don't tell you :) haha. Thank you so much for your comment!

      Delete
  9. Here's another entry that I critiqued during my last query giveaway! Love it. It's put very well and the voice in your 250 is just the kind that draws me right in. Great job. Best of luck! :)

    ReplyDelete