Blind Speed Dating #56 (Adult)

Title: HAVE TOASTER, WILL TRAVEL

Genre: Adult Fiction/Humorous Fiction

Word Count: 66,000

Query

Thirty-year old Warren Rogers is quite accustomed to being a confused CEO. But this is a different, disturbing kind of confusion. The FBI has just shown him a picture of their suspect in recent security breaches. He recognizes the suspect. It’s him as a teenager.

While his arch nemesis, Louisa Ferncliff, plots to take over the company, Warren sets out to clear his name. But his troubles only multiply when he follows his younger self into a secret lab and encounters a strange toaster-like device that sends him haplessly bouncing in time.

Now all Warren has to do is evade the present day FBI, the 1970’s police and both the Northern and Southern armies of the US Civil War so he can track down his teenage doppelganger; the only person that knows how to operate the mysterious toaster. His only chance of success depends upon the dubious help of Louisa, who is bent upon securing the toaster device for herself, a martini-drinking time traveler who only cares about olives and getting into bed with Louisa, and a “GPS for the brain” that resembles a moose who speaks Italian.

First 250

If Warren Roger’s thoughts made a sound it would be a feeble “clink”, not unlike that of some old, decrepit elevator meekly announcing its weary arrival. Just a muffled clink. A dead bell. That’s all there was.

It was time for the FBI’s briefing. The thirty-year old CEO of World Enterprises navigated the office’s maze-like aisles, oblivious to the nameless employees hunkered down behind rows and rows of putty colored cubicles. Warren was more preoccupied than usual, which is saying something because he spent hours a day practicing preoccupation to perfection.

He was thinking about the reason why the FBI was here, how this whole mess started; with the discovery of a half-eaten Ho Ho in his office. Why was it here, he had wondered. Who couldn’t eat a whole Ho Ho, anyway? Seriously, the whole thing was barely a mouthful. But back to who. Who was in his office and why were they eating a Ho Ho there? Mystifying, he thought. Warren thought a lot of things were mystifying.

The mystery of the partially eaten snack cake served nothing more than a subject on which Warren could spend his idle time thinking about. Warren had a lot of idle time, a benefit of perfecting preoccupation, so he thought a lot about it. That is until a few weeks later when he found several files askew and evidence someone had been using his computer. That’s when Pete Smith, COO and Warren’s trusted advisor, brought in Harrison Ramsey, VP of Security, who in turn brought in the FBI.