Title:
SON OF A (HIRED) GUN
Genre:
YA Contemp
Word
count: 88,000
Query:
Yesterday,
sixteen-year-old Bixby Darwin was Simon Rook.
Today, he has a new name and a
new home, courtesy of Witness Protection.
Yesterday, he was avoiding the
get-to-know-my-son lunch his mother set up with her new boyfriend.
Today, said
boyfriend is dead, victim of a bombing at his flower shop.
Yesterday, Bix
suspected the boyfriend was a terrorist.
Today, Bix learns his absentee father
is an assassin.
Now,
he’s a little concerned about what tomorrow will bring.
In my 88,000 word YA
Contemp novel, Son Of A (Hired) Gun, 16-year-old
Bixby Darwin’s life is thrown
into a state of flux when he’s relocated him to a small
town with big secrets. Secrets that could get him or someone close to him
killed.
First
250:
“Simon,”
Mom calls down the hall to me. “If you make us any later I’ll—.”
“I’m
ready.” Heading her off, I save my latest blog.
You’d
think we were having lunch with someone more important than her latest
boyfriend. Now that she’s reached the critical get-to-know-my-son juncture in
this relationship, she’s a little on edge. Or ready to jump off one.
I take
out my phone and tweet. @Simonsays: Lunch at Melting Pot with Omar.
Rather stay home than break bread (and dip it) with Mom’s florist/terrorist
boyfriend.
Jury’s
still out on whether Omar is actually a terrorist but it does make good
blogging and tweeting. It’s not like anyone takes me seriously anyway. That’s
kind of the problem when you’re sixteen and look like you’re twelve.
“Simon?”
Mom’s yell borders on hysteria. “You’ve got to stop calling him a terrorist.”
“I
can’t help it if I think he’s a terrorist.” Although last week, after I heard
him talking Russian, I was pretty sure he was KGB.Turns out he’s a
Croatian-Arab hybrid who speaks four languages fluently. Mom calls him worldly,
I call him suspicious.
“What if
he reads it? What’s he going to think?” Mom watches me in the mirror as she
touches up her eye gook.
“Mom,” I
meet her gaze in the mirror. “That’s assuming he reads more English than plutonium
rich.”
Mom bites
back a laugh, her mouth forming a heart. “He is not a terrorist.”
Notice
she didn’t say he could read.
I think your query is outstanding. You found the perfect and unique way set up the story. One typo: "when he’s relocated him to a small town" Get rid of 'him.'
ReplyDeleteYour 250 delivers on the promise in the query. I get a strong feel for these characters right away.
Do you mean gook or goop? Gook makes me think of the sleepy-crust, or mucus-like stuff that collects in the corner of an eye. If you are referring to her make-up, I suggest using goop.
Best of luck.
Amy
@aereichert
Amazing query. Amazing first 250. You've totally hooked me!!
ReplyDeleteOne tiny thing: the phrases "latest blog" and "latest boyfriend" are maybe a little too close together in succession. I know this is nitpicky, but that's only because the rest is so very very good!
Carissa #24
Risky format for your query, but I think it works. Great job! Good luck. I've read this before in other contests and liked it.
ReplyDeleteLaurie #8
I love the rhythm and resonance of your query. You just have to keep reading. Your first 250 is an ideal match to your query. Your characters are alive on the page.
ReplyDeleteOh, why does my entry have to follow yours? Yours is FANTASTIC!
Best of luck,
Bonnie #12