Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Surprise Agent Invasion #23

Genre: YA sci-fi
Word Count: 90,000


Fleeing LA in a stolen BMW was never Leah’s goal in life, but when strange shadow creatures murder her family, she has no choice. Running from the cops, she stumbles upon a small group of people who also see the shadows and have figured out how to fight them back. Learning how to kill the nasty things, and the hot shadow hunter, Adam, keeps Leah in town.

No one knows what the shadow creatures are or why they attract the worst humanity has to offer, but the group has pieced together that these shadows spread evil and feed on the darkness it creates. As they start to study the creatures, they learn that the Shadows have found a new means of spreading their particular brand of evil. No one is prepared to fight the coming Gathering of Shadows, where the new method for feeding on humans will be revealed.

As the group plans to stop the Gathering, they learn that not all the shadows are around to spread evil among humanity. Some are trying to convince the shadows to return to their home world. To stop the Gathering and the shadow invasion, Leah and the band of shadow hunters must trust in the rebel shadows before the invading shadow creatures choke the entire world with darkness.

First 250:

The dark rind of dried blood wasn’t coming out from under my fingernails no matter how hard I scrubbed. I finally grabbed a paper towel to turn off the faucet and push open the graffiti-coated door.

The wooden dowel the gas-station owner used to manage his bathroom key was shoved into my back pocket. The teller was reading Busty Babes in the Bedroom, his eyes glossy as he turned the page. I dropped the key on the counter, biting back my “In your dreams” comment—I didn’t want him remembering me. Turning, I nearly ran into the cop sauntering up to the counter, coffee in hand.

I forced a small smile of apology and stepped aside.

Keep calm. She’s not here for you. No way the cops here had any idea to look for me so far from home. Not yet.

The stolen BMW out back was a different story. Was she just waiting for me to return to it so she could pick me up? Had she even seen it back there?

I tried to walk slowly as I exited the store, though my feet wanted to take off sprinting. I went the opposite direction from the beamer, rounding the other side of the garage and ducking behind the gated off area housing a propane tank by the wall of the store. The cop’s car sat out front and I could just make out the edge of its back bumper.

Taking two deep breaths, I forced myself to calm down. 

1 comment:

  1. Hi! I like the idea of battling shadows, since people have an innate fear of darkness and shadows always seem ominous and can seep in anywhere. But I felt the story didn't give me enough to go on to make me want to request it. The description seemed sort of generic. It literally comes down to good versus evil and I don't learn much about your main character at all other than she bcomes a member of an already-existing group that wants to battle the evil shadows.

    I hope my comments make some sense. I'd love to see your query made a bit more personal and detailed. The shadows attract the worst? Like what?

    I suggest changing your opening line as well. Of course that wasn't her life's ambition, but it rather diminishes the shock value of the murder of her parents to put it in those terms.

    Thanks, and good luck!