Monday, March 26, 2012

Surprise Agent Invasion #3

Genre: MG Adventure
Word Count: 35,000


As a child of the Blackout, fourteen-year-old Ben thought he knew about danger – that is, until he begins the Hunt.

Since his father’s disappearance, Ben and his family are desperate. He is acutely aware that he will never be able to provide enough to eat, and the idea of comfort is as foreign to him as the stories his aunt tells about the old days.  The Hunt is their last resort.  Ben’s family is low on food, water and hope.  The draw of the lights in the distance, and the promise of a better life is more than a temptation; it’s an obsession.

It won’t be easy. Ben’s mother returned from the Hunt nearly catatonic, and his father never came back at all.  But, if he can get his little sister, Abby, to a better life, it will be worth it.  No matter what happens to him. 

The miles spanning the distance between his world of Darkness, and the Light in the distance, are miles where anything can happen. It is a place where dangerous creatures come back from extinction, and even solid, familiar ground can fall from under your feet.  Only the strongest and most resourceful are allowed into the Light, where abundance and comfort are rumoured to thrive – where life is how it used to be – a life Ben can barely remember, like grasping for a dream after being startled awake. 

The Hunt is a middle grade adventure novel with boy appeal, complete at 35,000 words.  It will appeal to fans of Holes, The Maze Runner series, and the 39 Clues series.  My writing background includes two years with a local weekly newspaper - writing feature articles, editing, and layout design. I have a BA in English Literature.  I would be happy to send the manuscript for your review.  Thank you for your time and consideration. 

First 250:

The angry clouds circled above, swirling in a violent, lava colored dance.  Even without lightning, the sky was on fire.  Ben didn’t like this place.  An hour passed before he gave up hope of finding any sustenance.  He sat, realizing afterward he should have let go of Abby’s hand first as she landed in a thud on his lap.  “Oh, sorry Ab.  I’m not really thinking straight right now.”
“Is it time to eat?  I’m hungry.”

Hungry didn’t describe what Ben was feeling.  His stomach had gone past hunger to pain, back to hunger.  It was after that, the growling stopped, and his stomach was empty even of air.  “We don’t have any food Abby.” 

He’d brought himself out to his death on the very first day, and worse than that, he’d dragged Abby along with him.  He knew the Hunt wasn’t supposed to be for kids.  It was meant for the elite.  Only the best were supposed to live on the other side of the fence where there were lights and homes and happiness.  That was the whole point.  But what choice did he have?  They needed help.  They needed to get to the other side.

“Ben look.”  Abby pointed to the ground.  “Beatrice said you could eat the roots.  I thought it looked too gross so I never told you, but I might try it now – if it doesn’t seem too yucky.”

She was pointing to a patch of dry, grey toned weeds.  They spiked out in every direction and looked like the most poisonous thing he’d ever seen coming out of the dirt.  It was shocking that anything could grow in the Darkness. 

“Who’s Beatrice?” 


  1. I like this, and I want to know more. Please send your first three chapters as an attachment to

  2. I did like the concept, and I thought your first page was really quite good with nice imagery. But there were too many elements that seemed derivative of the Hunger Games (father dead, mother nearly catatonic, hunger and need the driving issue, a smaller sister's needs coming first, The Hunt I'm assuming being some sort of competition?, dangerous creatures to battle, etc.) , even though this is middle-grade and meant for a different market. So I'm going to pass on asking for pages. But good work and good luck with everything!

  3. I also liked your concept, but it does sound very derivative of Hunger Games. I think perhaps some details about the hunt in the query might help. Good luck.