Sunday, February 5, 2012

Bouncer Post #13


Title: THE REMEDY
Genre: Commercial Fiction
Word Count: 75,000

Query:

Maggie Cooper has a husband, two kids and a curse. Will McAndrew was the hottest boy Maggie ever met, her first love, and apparently a bit magic as well. He showed up tonight to tell her that they are both under a spell and he knows how to break it. What is a sensible woman to do? She should keep calm and carry on by refusing to believe in magic. If she’s wrong, the curse will destroy her and her family. If she’s right, this is the end of Will and life will go on.

The problem is that Maggie believes Will. Something about his story hits her right in the bones and she knows it’s true. Maggie’s good sense is a match for old magic. She can unravel the spell one step at a time, following Will’s history of betrayals and lost loves. She finds the truth in unexpected places; in the lies old ladies tell her, in Will’s glowering brothers, and piece by piece, in her own cursed heart.

Maggie knows she's splitting her life in half when she’s with Will, but she is taking this risk with her eyes open. She needs to fix this, because magic belongs in fairy tales, and she belongs to this world, to her family and to herself.

First 250:

Maggie has a problem.  Ruin has crept around her since she was nineteen.  Ruin is invisible, even though it swirled around Maggie’s ankles with her wedding dress and waited behind the nurses while her children were born.  Tonight ruin leaves a trail of sparks in the street for Maggie to see.  Maggie has been restless today, and so she goes outside to see for herself what is in the road.  On this cold night, a little trail of embers makes its way to the ancient maple and then stops.  Maggie stops there too; she can hear the branches rustle but nothing else.  She bends to touch the ash and burns her finger.  She puts her finger in her mouth and looks up at the huge ring the branches make in the yellow street light.  Something about this doesn’t seem unexpected at all.  No matter if she’s restless, Jack’s on shift, her kids are in bed and it’s time to walk the half block home.

The kids were sassy right up to bedtime and beyond.  Jack’s shoulder acted up this morning.  Maggie manages her family with good humor and lots of love, and normally that would have been enough for anything that happened today.  But nothing was right, bills and baking were as plain as they always were, but Maggie felt off balance, like the floors had shifted a tiny bit in the old house.

26 comments:

  1. Maggie feels like someone I know. I'd like to hear more. Where can I find the rest of the book? I'm presently looking for potential film projects.

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  2. Magic and romance are just what we all need. Finding it vicariously through Maggie and Will seems safer than trying to find it in real life!

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  3. I'd love to read more - I want to get to know Maggie, Will and also Jack. Two brothers as well - could this be a trilogy? I hope so!

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  4. Intriguing - lots of universal themes here that everyone can relate to.

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  5. Okay, I'm hooked. I love the premise, and the first 250 words have me intrigued and off-balance, which is exciting, since it's hard to be surprised by storytelling these days. Where can I read more?

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  6. I'm captivated! The writing plays out in my mind like a movie scene, and I can't wait to see more.

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  7. I'm intrigued as well; sounds magical but realistically accessible, and Maggie seems very grounded... as grounded as we hope to be. It feels like there is something to be learned ~ for all of us ~ through this mysterious journey of hers. I'd love to read more.

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  8. Oh, my. I would love to read more... when can I read more???

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  9. "Ruin has crept around her since she was nineteen." Okay, I'm in. Interested to hear more. I hope this finds an agent and an audience so I can add it to my shelf.

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  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  11. THE REMEDY reads like a complex modern-day fairy tale...for grown-ups! The prose is intelligent and evocative. I WANT MORE.

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  12. Wow you guys, this is so nice! It's a quiet little book, but I know it will find a good home.
    Many, many thanks for the comments!

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  13. Mystery, romance, and suspense...can't wait to read more. -Jenny

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  14. I was able to read an early draft of The Remedy last year and was surprised to see it has not been picked up by a publisher or agent yet. I found it to be imaginative, entertaining and well written, I think the author has a good long career ahead of her!

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  15. I am intrigued. I really want to read the rest of the story!

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  16. I'm hooked, but 250 words wasn't enough. Bring on the glowering brothers!

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  17. Oh, man. I sense lots of magic will come out of this. What would it take to get her life back on balance? I am hooked. When are we going to read more?

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  18. So many anonymous comments for this particular entry with "I'd love to read more..." This is a bit disturbing. Are these really legit comments?

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  19. Hey Kay,
    I just have a lot of overly enthusiastic friends.

    Sorry if it "disturbs" you.

    They have read it, they care about me.
    Peace.
    B.

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  20. Hey, I'm legit and I love the story so far. I think it is intriguing and well done. I hope this gets picked up because our world needs more magic and this brings magic into reality. Wonderful!

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  21. Oh Cristal, Thanks!
    It will find a home someday!
    B.

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  22. Enthusiastic friends are great, but with so many "I want to read more" comments, it looks like they are trying to "sell" it. Sorry, didn't mean to offend. I wish you good luck with your novel. :)

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  23. Nah, they're just goofy. No worries.
    B.

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  24. I found the query to be a bit scattered -as if it was in need of more focus in order to draw the reader in. There could be some reworking there. Without a solid base, I was unable to find the first 250 compelling. I think some of the problem lies in the use of "ruin" so much in the opening. It is confusing. It sounds like a woman on the edge but without a concrete example to buttress it the effect is lost. On a side note, I think our best friends and readers are ones who eviscerate our work - using tough love to make it better. You might want to seek out some readers unafraid to make the tough comments we all need. The very unfortunate part of this contest so far is that it is a lot of cheerleading and not a lot of criticism. And that is not directed only at you. If I hear the word "awesome" one more time coming from an adult mouth I may vomit. :)

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  25. Owl - this query has bedeviled me for a long time in many forms. Shocking, right? I'd love to hear specifics, and maybe we could chat. you can find me on my wordpress, or twitter @mrstomsauter.
    Thanks.

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