Sunday, February 17, 2013

Bouncer Round 6 #31

Genre: Middle Grade Contemporary Fantasy
Word Count: 72,000


Children of the earth are being stolen.

And the Enlerians, an advanced race of ocean-dwelling beings, believe Sage, Mei and Themba are their only hope for freedom. From very different corners of the world the three are whisked away to Enleria, a futuristic domed world deep in the depths of the sea, and told they have powers they never could have imagined. Agreeing to help free the children they receive energy training to activate their innate human capabilities, like telepathy and telekinesis, so they can discover their entelechy, the unique life purpose coded within each of them.

Unfortunately, their training is cut short when the U.S. is hit with a tsunami. It is the work of the Korastians, the other underwater civilization, who have determined that humans are hopeless and therefore need to be controlled. They are the ones stealing young humans away and they are reprogramming them in their domed world on the ocean floor while they depopulate the older ones on land. Sage, Mei and Themba are heading to the disaster when they themselves are kidnapped by the Korastians and are taken to be reprogrammed with the other stolen children, including Gabe, who joins their quest.

Breaking free of the Korastian trance isn’t easy yet waking up to who they truly are and what they are capable of proves to be just the beginning. With energy vortexes and extreme weapons of the mind and body, it will take everything they have to connect as a team and use their new found powers to free themselves, let alone the stolen children.

Told in the distinct voices of the four multicultural characters, Entelechy is a mythic adventure that explores the journey to a dystopian world rather than jumping into one and forges its own path, through underwater worlds, to reveal that we are all uniquely powerful.

First 250:

It must have been her imagination. No one was out there. She was just tired. Tired of the changes and tired of the unknown. Light was fading, being pulled across the water, drowning with the red ball sun too heavy to remain above the horizon. It was time to head back.

Finding her temporary home with palm trees placed in front like chess pawns before a king, she took the path around the side and brushed sand off onto the manicured lawn. With a last glance to the twilight sky, she stepped into the lanai her aunt had kept so perfectly considering she was never there. It was hard not to think of people living out of their cars.

She let the door slam but no one noticed. Returning to the green room, she flopped down on the bed and stared at her suitcase. She knew her mother wanted her to unpack and get organized. Why should she unpack to just pack it up again? They didn’t know where they were going to be living next week. Insane. How do you get organized for that?

Outside her thoughts she heard her name being called. She froze and listened. It called again, bubbling quiet, as if in sea foam. The conch shell? She grabbed it off the dresser and held it to her ear. “Sage.” Her fingers flew open dropping it on the bed as her mind whirled into a tail spin. It was true; she could hear the ocean in a conch, but her name- too weird.


  1. This sounds like a fun story! When I read the first line of your query I totally thought aliens, and I was so surprised (in a good way) to learn that all the children were being taken under the sea. I also really like that the story's told from the POV of four children who come from all across the globe! Nice job.

    Best of luck!


    1. Thank you, Stephanie. I'm glad you were surprised in a good way!

  2. Love the imagery in your first 250! This totally gave me flashbacks of Jenn Reese's Above World. I love anything having to do with underwater realms. Total marine biology fanatic! - #24

    1. Thank you, Carissa. I'm a marine biology girl too!

  3. Love the idea. Really like your first 250. Query might be a little long (at least something to think about). Good job!


    1. Thank you, Billy. Good suggestion - I'm working on getting the query pared down.