Sunday, February 17, 2013

Bouncer Round 6 #33

Genre: YA Urban Fantasy
Word Count: 74K


Sixteen year old Momoko Yoshimi hasn’t made it to school on time since she twelve, but it’s not her fault. As much as she’d love to make it through an entire period of math, someone has to save her Pacific island home, Thonic, from mutant crabs and a variety of insane bad guys. And it just so happens she’s the girl —or rather the hero— for the job.

Momo has been Shadow Warrior, Thonic’s greatest hero, for four years now, and she thought she’d seen the worst the world could throw at her. But after the evil scientist Henry Isaac Morton and his robotic creation, HIM, set their sights on Thonic, Momo and her team of superheros are pushed to their limits and put to what could be their final test. Momo’s world is thrown into even more chaos when it’s revealed that the powerful crystals HIM are after are locked behind a door which can only be opened by her blood.

Now pinned as the target for all of HIM’s attacks, Momo’s new priority is just to stay alive. Whether it's dealing with best friends and love or cheating death, Momo begins to question if this is the life she really wants or if it's time to hang up the cape for good.

First 250:

Part One: Enter The Shadow
Chapter One
Yamoto High
Thursday, March 5th, 10:31 AM

It’s either the chalky smell that hangs around me or the tapping sounds the pencils make as they scratch out algebraic equations, but there’s something about math class I simply love.

Or maybe it’s the fact that I have the highest grade in this class. Or perhaps the fact that my two-year crush, Raimundo, sits two chairs over from me. It could also be that my best friend, Jessica, shares this class with me. Although I think it’s because th-


I drop my pencil and curl my nails into my palm. I bite my bottom lip and neverously glance around the classroom. No one heard that right?

“Was that someone’s phone going off?” Mr. McBride asks, looking at us over his shoulder. I swallow and my fingernails continue to vibrate. I have to get out of here.

Mr. McBride’s question goes unanswered. Jessica’s watery blue eyes are locked on the board, her nose crinkled slightly as she tries to understand how to use “u” to find “x”.

I cough, trying to burn a hole through the side of her blonde curls with my eyes, praying that she’ll turn to see me. The magnetic strips inside my color-changing nail polish are shifting from pale pink to a darker, more vibrant pink.

No, no, no! Don’t get darker! I silently plead. Once they turn black it’s too late. If Shadow Warrior is not out there, at least, heading to the crime, then all hope is lost.

And without me, there is no Shadow Warrior.


  1. Eee! A superhero book! LOVE!

    I have no critiques, other than that I do think the genre seems more sci-fi than UF.

    This sounds great!

    Carissa #24

  2. Hooray for a female superhero! We need more women who kick butt in YA lit :)

  3. A fun story! I like this idea. A couple suggestions for the 250: "No one heard that, (add comma here) right?"

    and there's such a nice pace in this scene that when you say "Mr. McBride’s question goes unanswered." it seems to slow things down. If a teacher asks that it's usually rhetorical anyway and assume no one will answer. I would take out this line, but that's just an idea!

    I especially like the line "her nose crinkled slightly as she tries to understand how to use “u” to find “x”." Appealing voice!

    Good entry and good luck!

    Tracy --#10