Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Love Triangle Entry #12

Title: ONE
Genre: YA Science Fiction
Word count: 77,000 


Sixteen-year-old Merrin Grey can float, but she can’t make herself fly. When almost everyone else is a Super, with at least two powers, or a Normal, with none, being a One is the worst kind of in-between.

All Merrin wants to do is land an internship at the Supers’ Biotech Hub, where she might finally figure out how to fix herself. But when she meets Elias VanDyne, son of the Vice President of the Hub – and another One – all of her plans fly out the window. Literally. When the two of them touch their Ones combine to make them fly, and when they’re not soaring over the Nebraska cornfields, they’re busy falling for each other.

When Elias disappears, leaving only a panicked note, Merrin knows exactly where he’s been taken. The Hub’s been conducting experiments on him since he was a little kid, and now it’s up to her to save him. But if she chooses to break into the Hub to save the boy who helps her soar, she’ll have to abandon her dreams of ever flying solo – of ever being more than a One.

First 250: 

Dad slows the car as Normal High - Nelson High, I remind myself - comes into view. It's about a third of the size of Superhero High, and its face is shot through with mossy cracks, dull with years of dirt they didn't bother to power wash before the first day. I stare at it, but I can feel my dad's eyes on me from the driver's seat. 

“Dad.” I pat his knee, a little awkwardly. “I’m just going to high school. A different one, but still just school. I’ll be fine. Maybe better. You know…than I was.” I say, trying to make my voice sound like I believe a word of what I said.

Dad looks at me. He doesn’t believe it, but he’s going to pretend he does.

I clear my throat. “You could have let me drive myself.”

“What if you didn’t get a pass? Or couldn’t find a spot? Best to figure out the lay of the land...”

“The lay of the land” is one of the phrases Dad uses when he’s worried.  To be honest, I’m worried myself.

It’s been ten years since my first power - going weightless - showed up. Seven years since Mom and Dad started to worry, in whispered voices, that I’d never get a Second, like the other kids. Only one year since I’d pretty masterfully failed at Superhero High. One year since we all knew I was only going to float instead of learning to fly – knew I was always only going to be a One.


  1. Allow me to be the first one to say how awesome this is :)

  2. Just a few little words and you totally get a sense of the conflict of the story. Amazing! And I love that it's about super powers gone wrong! So much fun!

  3. I love ONE so much. Merrin is such an awesome character, which really shines through in these 250. Besides, the premise together with the perfect characters kinda makes me want to carve 'Merrin+Elias 4ever' in a tree.
    And I morally oppose carving in trees.
    Not to mention I'd probably amputate three fingers by accident.


  4. My heart is breaking for Merrin already in the query...sigh. As a lucky, lucky CP, I can say with authority that this book is amazing. Superheroes, flying, and lots of yummy kissing--what more could you want?

  5. Loved Merrin in the first 250 words. Well done!

  6. Your query blew me away, so good! I loved the beginning of this story and can confidently guess it's fantastic :) Good luck!

  7. I'm a huge fan of the supers! So you had me from line one. And I see Maggie's comment about yummy kissing.



  8. Love this! The query intrigues me, and the first page draws me in with some nice tension and character insight. Well done!

  9. This=Pure Incredibleness :D GOOD LUCK

  10. Ha! Love the whole floating/flying thing. This is great, no doubt!

  11. Thank you to Ms. Motter and Mr. Cusick for your time and consideration, everyone who took the time to comment, and most especially to Cupid for the incredible opportunity.

    I'm looking forward to seeing success for all the entrants! I'd love to keep in touch - @LeighAnnKopans on Twitter. ^_^