Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Love Triangle Entry #1

Title: My Protector: The Calling
Genre: YA Post Apocalyptic
Word count: 70,000 


Query:


Fourteen-year-old Eri sprints into the night seeking a beast that wants nothing more than to feast on her flesh.  She can’t help herself.  Something calls to her, forcing her feet in the perilous direction.  Thankfully, a Protector is watching.


The Protectors are River Island’s only defense against the monsters roaming the darkness.  The clandestine guardians use the Calling—an internal link to the man-eating beasts—to watch over the village. 


As the link grows within Eri, she finds herself repeatedly drawn beyond the borders, hoping to satiate the rage flooding her veins.  But without proper training, the beasts will destroy her.  And as a girl, she’s not allowed the proper training to become one of the Protectors.


With villager deaths on the rise and beast encounters increasing, Eri knows the only way to save herself and her people is to secretly learn the skills of a Protector…if she's given the chance.

First 250:

Going to the river alone is forbidden.  Knowing the clear-cut rule of our people wasn’t enough to stop me from stepping off the gravel path and walking deep into the vacant field.  I no longer controlled my body.

Adrenaline thrummed inside me as I drifted closer.  White-hot anger burned in my belly, if it was even anger churning there.  I had never felt something creep through my veins before.  Whatever this was, it pulled me toward the unknown.

I didn’t belong out there.  I knew better.  I should’ve run in the opposite direction, back to our village.  But I couldn’t turn away.  With each step into the darkness, the foreign emotion intensified, guiding me forward.  I surrendered to the aggression.  I had no choice.

The warning bell struck, ringing through my insides.  My people had fled for safety into the closest shelter possible when it sounded the first time.

Not me.

A few more steps and I would see the river through the trees if the waning light consented.  The coursing water rushed along, mirroring my heightened flow of adrenaline.  The sensory overload amplified, the calling grew louder and became hypnotic, driving me like a machine, steering me down a path I would not otherwise take. 

I should not have been there.

The bell clanged again with faster frequency.  I froze.  The hammering in my chest felt as if my heart would burst through my rib cage and continue onward without me. 

19 comments:

  1. 0_0 Um. Can I read this? Please? It sounds like FOREST OF HANDS AND TEETH meets BEASTMASTER.

    GOOD LUCK!!!

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    1. Thanks so much! A good comparison too ;)

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  2. I love the opening to your query. Makes me excited to read more. It reminds me a little of the movie Red Riding Hood which is awesome. Great job!

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    1. I haven't seen that yet, now I need to so I can find out how similar the two are :)

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    2. I don't think it's exact but it seems to have the overall "feel" of the movie. If that's makes sense. LOL :)

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  3. Opening = chills. Seriously, I still read this and go... holy crap! What is going on??? Ack!

    Yes, I really sound like that :)

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  4. Such an awesome opening. And what a great query!! :)

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  5. Great job! I've read this opening several times and I still get chills.

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  6. This is good. I like the voice of it. I'd be interested in reading more.

    The only question I have is: In the query you mention the protectors save Eri from the beasts-- but she has to learn to be a protector to save herself and everyone else. Why? Why aren't the protectors guarding herself and the villigers?

    You skip over that in the query.

    That might be the focus of the one of the story plots, but not even mentioning it in the query seems like an omission.

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    1. I'll have to work on my query and figure out how to further clarify that :)

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  7. This one gives me goosebumps! I've seen it a few times now, and get the shivers every time :)

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  8. Very nice :) Can't wait to read your chapters today!

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  9. This one has great intrigue! And I love protectors. I know I'd love to read this story. Good job!

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    1. Thanks Cupid :) Great contest! Thanks so much for doing this!

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  10. There is definitely a huge feeling of excitement going on in this. It really drew me in. What is out in that field???

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