Sunday, February 5, 2012

Bouncer Post #49


Title: HELIACAL RISING
Genre: YA paranormal romance
Word Count: 75,000

Query:

It starts with a girl.  A beautiful girl who falls in love with a star

Trouble doesn't find seventeen-year-old, Tee Sutton, she seeks it out.  When a night of drinking on school property goes awry, the last place she expects to end up is Montana.  Forced to leave Detroit and attend an outdoor camp as punishment, Tee prays the summer will go by fast.  And then she meets Keme. 

He's not supposed to fall in love.  It's against the rules.  And it's dangerous.  But when an accident threatens Tee's life, Keme can't help but intervene.  Saving her means exposing a secret the Blackfeet tribe has fought for hundreds of years to protect.  A secret people would kill for.  Now, healing her once might just mean killing her later.

Tossed into an ancient game of hide and seek, where the players are immortal and the loser ends up dead, Tee finds she’s deeper in trouble than ever before, fighting for her life and a love she’s desperate to keep. 

HELIACAL RISING fuses the Blackfeet legend of the Star Bride with the classic Greek myth of Castor and Pollux to create a mystical story of a young girl discovering what makes her come alive.

First 250:

In the dark, his lips are hard to see as they move toward mine.  It’s always cloudy here.  Even at night.  When I was younger, it didn’t bother me.  Kids can play in the rain.  Now, it’s just depressing. 

His lips look like a full moon.  Round and pouted, dimpled around the edges.  Lips that are rumored to have kissed Meredith Salinger in the bathroom after she barfed at Winter Formal.  Ignore that thought

He just licked them.  Are my hands shaking? It’s not like this is my first time kissing a boy, but it’s warm, really warm.  Too warm for spring.  It makes my breath short.

Bottles clink around us.  His foot hits one, sending it rolling off the roof.  Don’t look down.  He might get distracted.  It smashes on the ground and shatters into pieces. 

“This has been cool,” Tim says, brushing my hair behind my ear.  His fingertips are wet and smell like beer.  Ignore that, too.

“Yea,” I say.  A door creeks.  Or maybe it’s the roof buckling under our weight.  I can’t focus with his mouth so close to mine. 

He’s breathing heavy.  In.  Out.  In.  Out.  Probably from the cigarettes.  My grandma died of lung cancer.  She sounded like Jabba the Hut every time she inhaled.  Whatever, cigarettes are sexy.  And taste good. 

“Maybe we can do this again,” he says. 

I nod in the dark, but before I can say anything, his lips touch mine.  They’re soft, coated in Chapstick for optimum moistness.  Butterflies flutter in my stomach, little wings tickling my insides, and I try not to giggle. 

24 comments:

  1. Not a bouncer, but I just wanted to say I love the modern day myth concept you've got here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you!! Bouncer or not, I love positive feedback!!

      Delete
  2. I agree - I love retellings of myths! Your query sounds very interesting :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. This sounds great! Loved your query.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you!! You guys are making my Monday!

      Delete
  4. Greek mytho...Montana...I think we might be kindred spirits (I'm number 36). I really love what you're doing here. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! I'm going to check yours out right now!

      Delete
  5. You're in!

    Great voice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, thank you, Bouncer Dorothy! Yea!! What a great way to start the week!!

      Delete
  6. Excellent hook! And congrats on making it in! :)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Congrats on making. Both your query and 250 words were excellent. It's definitely something I'd read. awesome!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Bouncer Blue NimbusFebruary 6, 2012 at 3:17 PM

    Oooh she beat me to it, but yes, "You're in!"

    ReplyDelete
  9. Congrats! Love the voice, though it took me a moment to get used to the snappy sentences. Your premise rocks! Good luck with it :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Nice work! I'm a sucker for retold myths.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Awesome!! Congrats! This sucked me right in. Very well deserved!!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Thanks everyone! Your kind words full me up. :)

    ReplyDelete
  13. One of the best I've read. And like the others have mentioned, I loved retooled mythology. Great query and great sample.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Congrats! Very much deserved. That was a great query - you had me hooked!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Wow. Just wow. This was great!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Amazing query! You deserve the praise! Good job!

    ReplyDelete