Monday, January 21, 2013

Bouncer Post #63

Genre: Fantasy/Light Sci-Fi
Word Count: 65,000


The life of seventeen year old Lana James has been rooted in hate for as long as she can remember.

She’s been taught to hate the Elements, an ancient race that controls nature. They’re killing her world, turning what’s left of the population into scared and paranoid scroungers. She hates her selfish aunt who sleeps around and beats her more than takes care of her. She’s even come to hate her pathetic and decaying seaside village.

Lana doesn't hate Aden. Her best friend is everything – but even he will disappoint her.

When Element attacks put Lana’s town in danger, the government-run Eradication Agency is sent to find those responsible. Feeling threatened, Aden reveals his deepest secret to her – he’s a Fire Element. Considering half her town is going up in flames, Lana doesn’t know if she can trust her best friend anymore.

But when Aden is forced to go on the run to escape the government who wants his kind exterminated, Lana must make a choice; give in to the hate and turn her back on her friend, or help the enemy who destroyed her world and become one of the hunted.

ELEMENT, my YA novel, is complete at approximately 65,000 words. Set in an apocalyptic world where some humans wield powers, it is a blend of fantasy and science fiction.

First 250:

When I was a little girl, it seemed like everyone wanted to come to the ocean. To play in it, to look at it, to feel it lapping at their toes. Not anymore. Now, everyone is scared of the water.

I should be afraid too. I should tremble at the sight of the coming waves, remembering the day when they grew tall as houses and rushed over the beaches to our small town. The day the frothy, living water almost claimed me. I should be afraid because that was the day we found out earth wasn't controlled by nature. The day we found out about the Elements. Yes, I have reason to be afraid.

But I'm not.

Out of all the things I'm afraid of and have come to despise, the water isn't one of them. Out of everything in my messed up world, the ocean is the only thing that brings me comfort.
Besides Aden.

From the water I see him lying on the beach, a book on his chest. He never comes in with me, but having him here is perfect; the two best things in my world.
That's why today is one of those rare good days. When I stepped outside this morning, my skin tingled at the warmth of summer on the edge. I knew it was going to be an ocean day. It had to be.


  1. I really enjoyed your first 250, and I like the foreshadowing of Aden not going near the water. Best of luck!

    Sarah. (#45)

  2. Wow! This gave me goosebumps! This sounds SO GOOD!

  3. Beautiful writing! Loved it. Your query is pretty awesome as well. Good luck!! :)

  4. Amazing! I loved everything about it!

  5. The query caught my interest. The 250 words sucked me right in! Hope you get this book out there soon; I'd love to read it!

  6. I loved the 250 as well. I really want to keep reading!

  7. This sounds really cool. I submitted an elemental based ms as well.

    Your query might be tightened up a little, but contains the essential details.

    I would suggest changing "Out of ..." to "Of ..." for both of those sentences - just sounds cleaner to me. Otherwise, I enjoyed this and would love to keep reading.

  8. My curiosity is definitely piqued. I'm especially intrigued concerning the Elements and how Lana and Aden's relationship survies his confession.

    Best of luck!

  9. This was great!! Loved the query, loved the first 250. You really grabbed me. I hope it gets picked up.

  10. So I want to give everyone feedback, even when I don't write those magical words. I think you're off to a good start here. I think your first 250 take us right into Lana's head, and I get a good sense of her voice. My biggest hangup was the query. I think all the pieces are in place, but the paragraph of everything she hates distanced from her. Maybe consider reworking that so we can see more of her in action? I hope this helps, and I wish you the very best of luck with your writing.