Sunday, February 10, 2013

Bouncer Post #160


Title: TAKING SECOND CHANCES
Genre: Contemporary Romance
Word Count: 109,000 words

Query:

Thirty-nine-year-old college professor, Gabriella Edwards has lost her parents, her husband and sometimes she thinks she’s lost her mind. With so much death surrounding her, Gabriella is trapped in a state of depression. But when she takes advice from a friend to relieve the pent-up stress and “just get laid” it turns into seven semesters of getting lost between the sheets—with her students. Her naughty vice is a welcome distraction, but when she unexpectedly falls in love her whole world is turned upside down again. 

Tired of the empty affairs, Gabriella is finally ready for more. Her prayers are answered by Caleb Waters; a hot, older, promising student. He’s different from the rest. And she can’t stay away from him, even though she knows she should. For the first time since losing everything, Gabriella finds herself letting down her guard and trusting this man, who teaches her how to love again.

But it’s never easy for Gabriella. Just when the semester is winding down and they are almost in the clear, Caleb’s obsessed roommate discovers they are together and threatens to expose their secret. Now, with her career and her family's respect on the line, Gabriella must decide if Caleb is worth it.

First 250:

Depression has a way of rearing its ugly head and taking root so deep within your soul that it can literally take over. I’ve walked around like a zombie, consumed by this sickness for too long. For a while I thought I would be content to just watch life speed past me as if viewing a really long movie, frame by frame. But Bryn finally knocked some sense into me. I hate to admit she’s right, but something’s got to give.

I’m only thirty-four freaking years old. I’m not dead yet, so why shouldn’t I be taking advantage of the good things, the pleasurable things, that life has to offer? For instance, why am I thinking about how messed up my life is while I’m seated next to one of the hottest men I’ve seen in a long time? Seize the damn day, Gabriella. Take pleasure in the good things.

My body should be a clear indicator. I should listen to it instead of my convoluted brain. My heart is racing, my palms are sweaty, my knees twitching. I want this. I want him. And from the looks of things, Luke wants me too. Plus, it’s not like I have a choice, because if I don’t follow through with this one simple act of insanity Bryn is going to follow through with one of her own.

5 comments:

  1. This seems like it's going to get real steamy REAL quick!! This seems like a great and fun read, I'd keep reading if I had pages! Sounds delightful!! Wishing you the best of luck!!

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  2. Juicy, Juicy! I would love to read this!

    Good luck from #173

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  3. Excellent job giving Gabriella a distinct, clear voice right away. I can tell this is a well-done, very sexy story. And your query is clean, concise and best of all, catchy.
    Good luck! -Lisa (#170)

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  4. Bouncer Colonel MustardFebruary 11, 2013 at 9:03 PM

    I'm going to wait until Thursday to announce my top 3, but I'm going to give everyone some feedback in the meantime.

    Nice job describing the conflict--that's the trickiest part of queries.

    Some tweaks. Did her husband die, too? "Lost" is pretty vague. What do you mean by "promising student." Promising in terms of academics, or in terms of romance? Also, not sure what you mean by "family's respect." If her parents are dead, whose opinion is she worried about?

    Okay. Stay tuned!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks to everyone for the wonderful feedback, including Bouncer Colonel Mustard. To answer your questions: yes, her husband is also dead. The more I think about the word 'promising' I can probably take it out. It was meant as promising as in terms of romance, but I can probably omit it if it makes things confusing. And her remaining family is her sister (who has a big part in the book, but lives across the country) and her 2 college age twin daughters, who are home for the summer (she meets Caleb during a summer course she got roped into teaching unexpectedly). I didn't want to introduce too many characters into the query, but if it makes things more clear or makes the stakes seem higher maybe I should change "family's respect" to "her daughters' respect."

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