Monday, January 14, 2013

Bouncer Post #18

Genre: YA Paranormal Mystery
Word Count:  62,000


18-year-old Hannah Spencer would give anything for a dead-free day. For most of her life, she’s ignored the Visitors who appear in her bedroom each morning. After all, they’re dead, they don’t speak and they rarely stay more than a few minutes.

Her one-sided communications with the dead come to an end when Adam, a recent casualty in a car accident, demands her help to move on to the afterlife. Troubled by her intense attraction to him, Hannah uncovers the truth about their connection: Adam is her  twin flame — the other half of her soul— and the two have spent a number of lifetimes together, each one ending in Hannah’s untimely death.

Unable to ignore their bond, Hannah and Adam rekindle their ages-old romance. However, when she links this mysterious ghost to the disappearance of his sister and the terrifying recurring dreams she’s having, she must decide if helping him is worth risking her life … again.

Hannah's Half is a young adult paranormal mystery, complete at 62,000 words. I hope you find the premise intriguing enough to request a partial or full manuscript.

First 250:

You got a name, kid?”

The boy sitting on my bedroom floor couldn’t have been more than four or five years old. The cowlick in the back of his blond hair needed taming. As he sat cross-legged, holding a half-inflated red balloon, I noticed that the bottoms of his bare feet were dirty.

I rarely asked questions anymore because the Visitors never speak. I mean never. I’ve been seeing dead people for as long as I can remember and it’s always the same routine. Stare with haunted eyes, linger in the room, disappear.

“The silent treatment again. How original.” I sighed and pushed back my comforter. I’d gotten over being shy in front of the dead a long time ago. If they were going to invade my space, then they’d have to deal with seeing me in my panties.

As I rummaged through my dresser to find a pair of jeans, the sweet, burned smell of kettle corn filled my nose and carnival music played in my head. In strobe-like flashes, I saw the little boy walking hand in hand with a girl about his height. She handed him a cardboard cone wrapped with mounds of pink cotton candy.  Their simple, threadbare clothes were from a completely different era.

I shook my throbbing head as if that could make the images disappear. Unless the Visitors suddenly decided to tell me why my room was a ghost magnet, I vowed to ignore them.


  1. The first line of your query is great. The romance between Hannah and Adam sparked my interest right away. I don't think you need the line about the partial or full manuscript since that's why you write a query in the first place.

    In your first 250, I especially liked the line beginning "Stare with haunted..." I also liked how you brought in the sense of smell from the ghost world.

    I'd keep reading!

  2. The query line that really caught my attention was about Hannah's stakes: she must decide if helping him was worth risking her life...again. Brilliant.

    In the opening, Hannah's voice shines through and even though having dead visitors has become routine, the little details she picks up alert the reader that she is still very much engaged.
    I would keep reading! Good luck!