Title: HANNAH’S HALF
Genre: YA Paranormal Mystery
Word Count: 62,000
Query:
18-year-old Hannah Spencer would give anything for a
dead-free day. For most of her life, she’s ignored the Visitors who appear in
her bedroom each morning. After all, they’re dead, they don’t speak and they
rarely stay more than a few minutes.
Her one-sided communications with the dead come to an
end when Adam, a recent casualty in a car accident, demands her help to move on
to the afterlife. Troubled by her intense attraction to him, Hannah uncovers
the truth about their connection: Adam is her twin flame — the other half
of her soul— and the two have spent a number of lifetimes together, each one
ending in Hannah’s untimely death.
Unable to ignore their bond, Hannah and Adam rekindle
their ages-old romance. However, when she links this mysterious ghost to the
disappearance of his sister and the terrifying recurring dreams she’s having,
she must decide if helping him is worth risking her life … again.
Hannah's Half is a young adult paranormal mystery,
complete at 62,000 words. I hope you find the premise intriguing enough to
request a partial or full manuscript.
First 250:
You got a name, kid?”
The boy sitting on my bedroom floor couldn’t have been
more than four or five years old. The cowlick in the back of his blond hair
needed taming. As he sat cross-legged, holding a half-inflated red balloon, I
noticed that the bottoms of his bare feet were dirty.
I rarely asked questions anymore because the Visitors
never speak. I mean never. I’ve been seeing dead people for as long as I can
remember and it’s always the same routine. Stare with haunted eyes, linger in
the room, disappear.
“The silent treatment again. How original.” I sighed
and pushed back my comforter. I’d gotten over being shy in front of the dead a
long time ago. If they were going to invade my space, then they’d have to deal
with seeing me in my panties.
As I rummaged through my dresser to find a pair of
jeans, the sweet, burned smell of kettle corn filled my nose and carnival music
played in my head. In strobe-like flashes, I saw the little boy walking hand in
hand with a girl about his height. She handed him a cardboard cone wrapped with
mounds of pink cotton candy. Their simple, threadbare clothes were from a
completely different era.
I shook my throbbing head as if that could make the
images disappear. Unless the Visitors suddenly decided to tell me why my room
was a ghost magnet, I vowed to ignore them.
The first line of your query is great. The romance between Hannah and Adam sparked my interest right away. I don't think you need the line about the partial or full manuscript since that's why you write a query in the first place.
ReplyDeleteIn your first 250, I especially liked the line beginning "Stare with haunted..." I also liked how you brought in the sense of smell from the ghost world.
I'd keep reading!
The query line that really caught my attention was about Hannah's stakes: she must decide if helping him was worth risking her life...again. Brilliant.
ReplyDeleteIn the opening, Hannah's voice shines through and even though having dead visitors has become routine, the little details she picks up alert the reader that she is still very much engaged.
I would keep reading! Good luck!