Title: RUNNING FROM SHADOWS
Genre: young adult paranormal
Word Count: 78k words
Query:
Stolen shadow. Missing magick. Throw in freaking fate
and it's a McMisery meal for seventeen-year-old witch, Greta Shore. Oh, and
let’s not forget she's forcibly engaged to her ex-crush turned stalker, thanks
to her traitor of a mother. This crap shouldn't happen in the twenty-first
century.
At the engagement party, Greta does what she always
does…runs away, straight for the protection of the woods. But before she
reaches safety, the bloodcurdling screech of a witch's worst nightmare heralds
the impending attack of a shadow demon, desperate for her soul. Seconds
from destruction, she's rescued, scooped into strong arms. His touch fills her
mind with phantom memories of them together. But who the heck is this
boy?
Her rescuer, Paxton Craig (Pax), is a unicorn shifter
with a dark secret. He's half shadow demon, but he can't tell Greta. How would
she understand that he wants to protect and kill her? He's never felt
this way about a witch before. Until now they'd all been assignments, a means
to an end, a way to earn his rightful place with the Order of the Horn. All
that changes the night he saves her.
As she remembers her past life with Pax their love
grows, along with the risks. Greta discovers the only way to destroy the demon
who lusts after her soul is to make a sacrifice… Kill Pax. But how can she end
the life of the boy she loves?
RUNNING FROM SHADOWS won first place in the 2012
Reveal Your Inner Vixen contest (Maryland Romance Writers chapter of RWA), won
second place in the 20th Annual Heart of the West 2012 contest (Utah chapter of
RWA), won second place in the 2012 Launching A Star contest (Florida SpacecoasT
chapter of RWA) and is a finalist in the 2012 Show Me the Spark contest
(Heartland Romance Authors chapter of RWA). I am a PRO member of RWA, YARWA,
FF&P and Backspace, as well as being active in my local RWA chapter,
Chesapeake Romance Writers. My young adult paranormal romance, WITCH WAY TO
TURN is published through Lyrical Press, and the book trailer was recently
recommended by USA Today.
First 250:
The giant oaks of the Red Forest loomed above me.
Unease prickled down my spine. Something else was in the woods. Lurking in the
shadows. Watching me. I froze mid-step, ice in my veins. Peered into the
darkness with my breath caught in my throat.
Haven slammed into my back. “Greta, seriously?”
A shiver rippled through me. The thing in the shadows
had taken my attention so completely I’d forgotten my two best friends trailed
behind me. What was that thing? Had I imagined it?
When I didn’t answer she stomped in front of me.
“Don’t just stop like that.” Haven smoothed a loose strand of pink hair behind
her ear. “Damn. Maybe I should take the lead.”
“Whatever.” I risked a quick glance over Haven’s
shoulder toward the shadowy figure. Gone.
“What are you looking at?” She followed my gaze.
Jill joined us, her blond hair swaying over her
shoulders as she bobbed her head up and down. The giddy smile on her face said
she might start clapping at any second. “Ooh, I hope it’s something witchy and
dangerous.”
Jill wasn’t even trying to hide her excitement. Of
course, I couldn’t exactly blame her. She’d never done a spell with us before.
Haven hadn’t ever asked her and I’d never been skilled enough to lead a circle.
Until now.
I drew in a deep breath through my nose. The chill of
it nearly gave me brain freeze. Was I crazy for needing to do this? For wanting
answers?
Just from the query, I feel like this is a romance that would break my heart! I would absolutely love to read this.
ReplyDeleteI love romances where the male lead wants to protect and kill the girl at the same time! I would totally read this! Great job!
ReplyDeleteGood luck!
You have really done a great job nailing down your voice, especially for the query. A lot of times I see queries that read like movie-trailer announcers thundering out a narrative when it's so much more persuasive to have the MC's voice telling her own story. Even reading it in third-person perspective, I can hear Greta's voice dripping out of every word. Fantastic. That being said, I think you've crammed too much into the query. We don't need to know about unicorn shifters, because it's only mentioned once and doesn't really have anything to do with why Pax wants to protect or kill her. Also, I'm not 100% on board with hearing from Pax in the query. I'd rather be left wondering with Greta why this boy is so hot and cold, what secrets is he hiding, and why does he seem so familiar when she's never met him before.
ReplyDeleteAs for your first 250, I love that it starts in the middle of actual action. Stuff is happening. She's leading a circle for the first time. She sees something shadowy and mysterious. There's freaky stuff going down, people! But it does seem like she overreacts a little bit to the creepy stuff. She's a witch, so I'd assume that she's got some passing acquaintence with the shadowy side of things. If she has good reason to be jumping at every twig snap, I'd like to know more about it as the jumping is happening. Otherwise, it's plenty enough for her to narrow her eyes, feel some misgiving, and then dismiss it and move on. The reader will be paying attention to the twig snap even if the character isn't.
So great start! Keep at it! Voice is the hardest thing to master, and you've got it down. Good luck!
Love the stakes here.
ReplyDeleteHow can she end the life of the boy she loves, indeed!
:)
Great entry!