Monday, January 14, 2013

Bouncer Post #24

Genre: YA Thriller
Word Count: 45,000


Seventeen-year-old Bree Miller never expected her passion for yoga would save her life. But when she's kidnapped by a man in a mask who talks about obedience and punishment, her training is the only thing keeping her sane.

When Brian Sander's girlfriend Bree goes missing, he refuses to believe what the police are saying about her being a runaway.  He knows she's in trouble, and decides to take things into his own hands, forming his own search group. He'll stop at nothing to find her.

As the stress and frustration of Bree’s disappearance push Brian to his limit, Bree fights her own battle against a madman who wants all of her—even if by force.

Alternating between Bree's and Brian's point of view, MEDITATION is a 45,000 word YA Thriller.  I am an active member of SCBWI and a moderator on Verla Kay’s Blueboards.  Thank you for your time.

First 250:

The chill in the air and the fog graying out the world make me wish I’d grabbed a jacket, but I don’t want to go back inside to get one. Not while Mom is in there wanting to talk about my feelings. As if she really cares.

Thinking warm thoughts, I step onto the sidewalk and glance around the neighborhood.  It’s quiet on my street this early. I close my eyes and take in the stillness, listening to the soft sounds of morning.  A sound that doesn’t fit breaks the peace, and I open my eyes.  A Buick with blacked-out windows is parked two houses down. It’s so beat up and faded, I can’t even tell what color it is. Black? Gray? Dark blue? Regardless, it’s out of place here. I know it doesn’t belong to any of the neighbors.

A ribbon of steam trickles from the rear, and I wonder who is inside. Are they watching me?

Without warning, the car pulls forward, heading down the street. Thankfully in the opposite direction I am going.

Way to let your imagination run away with you, Bree. I release the breath I didn’t know I was holding, and try to shake off the lingering sense of unease. The heavy air presses on me as I walk, and I take deep, cleansing breaths.  They help, and the peace of my familiar yoga practice falls over me.  The sense of calm carries me most of the way to school. 


  1. Great query and first 250 words! Well written!

  2. I really enjoyed both the query and your first 250, I would keep reading. Very effective use of the alternating POV in the query. I was completely hooked with "A Buick with blacked-out windows is parked two houses down. It’s so beat up and faded, I can’t even tell what color it is..." Have you considered placing that farther up? It's such a great grabber but a little buried. Just a thought.

    Nice work and good luck!
    Laurie (#16)

  3. Wow! This sounds so creepy, in the best way! Excellent query. I totally agree with Laurie, you did a great job showing an alternate POV. I really enjoyed your first 250 words as well. I could totally picture the entire scene. Great Job!

    Good luck!