Where an undercover cupid brings writers and agents together to form magical literary connections...
I love the snark between Bree and Maddie. The voices are so distinct here and I definitely want to keep reading.And Micah just sounds scrumptious.
I like the sense of voice here. Nice work! Lots of adult romances and women's fic in this batch!
I've seen this entry before in another contest. You've made a lot of improvements. That being said, it's not necessary to use uppercase for characters' names in a query (but you should in a synopsis). Also, "hotter-than-God sex appeal" is a bit disturbing to me. I don't relate God with sex.
Great set-up for some interesting conflict-- sounds like fun for the reader, even if Maddie isn't so sure. :)
The dialogue feels real to me, and the query gets me intrigued. I think I'd just say "fling" rather than "sex fling", but other than that, I thought this submission was spot on.
Gotta love an equal balance of steamy sex and sweet nothings. :) And the setting sounds really fun!
Love the voice in this!
I can relate to Maddie already. Awesome query!
I liked this - both the query and the first 250. I'd keep reading!Good luck.
The query is well done. I get a sense of the two main characters, conflict, stakes, and setting. This is not easy to do, so kudos to you for accomplishing it.In the first 250, I do like the snappy dialogue, but there is a little too much dialogue right off the bat, in my opinion (which is just one opinion). I want to be rooted in the story a little more. Just a few more sentences about the setting would accomplish this for me. Are there other guests arriving at the same time? If so, there's an opportunity to give us a fuller picture of what kind of party it is by something other than Bree and Maddie's dialogue. What kind of cars are the other guests driving? What are they wearing? These are just suggestions, and I'm sure you've already got a picture of the scene in your head, so I'd just like to see it fleshed out a little more in the opening to give me a very tangible sense of what these ladies are getting themselves into.