Title:
Feudlings
Genre: YA
Urban Fantasy
Word
Count: 88,000
Query:
Nothing can
make a new school suck worse than discovering the guy you’re in love with is
your prophesied nemesis.
Ari is the
most powerful flame-throwing sorceress ever, and her people’s last hope in an
ancient war. But emotionally, she’s a huge wreck, hating who she is and what
she is supposed to do. She’s searching for that one death that will mean
anything in the face of a thousand fruitless killings. In her free,
not-hunting-nemesis times, she jumps from school to school, trying figure out
regular people her own age and pretending she’ll get the chance to graduate.
Shane lives
a double life. He goes to school and masters the art of popularity, hiding the
fact that he has a destiny with only a slim chance of his survival. He’s
destined to end a 300 year-old war by killing or being killed. He knows he’s
hunted by a powerful enemy who’s not afraid to die. Only problem? He has no
idea who that enemy is.
When Ari
shows up at Shane’s school, angry and sullen and determined to keep him at
arm’s reach, neither of them realize they are supposed to be killing each
other, not falling in love. Until Ari does realize it.
And Shane
tries to kill her.
First 250:
Arianna
Delacour thunked her black duffle bag at the foot of her bed, wondering if she
should even bother unpacking. This was her 16th boarding school. Sixteen in
nine years, but it would have been more if she hadn’t been home schooled until
third grade. That was when the Family started sending her out to hunt.
She
shoved the thought away, jumping to a safer one. Wrong life. She had to focus
on this life now. She was about to start her senior year, and she really wanted
to graduate. So, determined that this be her last boarding school, she started
unpacking.
“Who
are you?” a high pitched voice demanded behind her.
Ari
didn’t turn to investigate. “Arianna Delacour. Who are you?”
“This
is my room,” the voice said. Ari thought it over, decided there was nothing to
respond to, and continued unpacking. “I said, this is my room.” The
voice grated on Ari’s ears and made her teeth ache. Sighing, Ari stood up,
shoving her long black braid over her shoulder and turned. A much shorter,
somewhat round blond girl stood in the doorway with her hand on her hip, green
eyes glowering back at her.
“Apparently,
it’s also my room. If that’s going to be a problem, you should probably take it
up with the headmistress,” Ari’s dark brown eyes clashed with the girl’s green
gaze. The girl’s lips tightened as she gave Ari a slow once over. Ari folded
her arms and glared back.
This is a strong query. The only thing that trips me up is the use of nemesis. I guess that's a certain kind of breed or character? Maybe replace it with something else in the first sentence? Otherwise I love the voice in this query. Very YA.
ReplyDeleteGreat 250!
Love this. Query and the first 250. Great work!
ReplyDeleteHaving read this, I already know I like the book! But this is the first time I've seen the query for it. Great job in summarizing the conflict and the stakes. My only nitpick - maybe don't use 'destined' and 'destiny' in the paragraph about Shane.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck! I hope you make it to the next round!